Heartache...


It's been awhile since I have sat down to write. I guess it has been part being busy, and part not quite knowing what to say. I shared a couple of weeks ago that I was having a difficult time in the "waiting," and to be honest, not a lot has changed. Not only have we not received a phone call, but it seems like every pregnant women and every newborn in my sight has become magnified. This past weekend I spent some time at a youth workers convention, and I am sure that I was given some special kind of eyesight that could spot a pregnant women like it was my job. And to be honest...my heart ached every time. I am tired of waiting.

I have found myself bitter at times in the past few weeks, disappointed, frustrated, and concentrating on all the wrong things. I keep thinking to myself, this journey has been ridiculously hard, and this is just the start. Even when we do get a match, the road ahead is long...like months more long before we bring a child or children home. Again, my heart aches thinking about it.

At the same time, in the midst of deep heart aches that I often believe no one can understand, God reminds me that he does understand. Not only does he understand, but he chooses to stick by our side, and he continues to faithfully walk with us. This weekend we sang a worship song with these words:

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did you leave us on our own
YOU ARE FAITHFUL GOD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL
Every step we are breathing in your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out your praise
YOU ARE FAITHFUL GOD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL

That same day I read in Jeremiah 32:27, "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is there anything too hard for me?" As I find myself specifically praying for my children in Ethiopia, I have to remind myself of those two things. God is faithful and nothing is too hard for him. Tonight in what feels like unending heartache, I am banking on that truth.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 8, 2012 at 7:19 PM

    I needed paragraph 3, thanks for posting this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SherrieMarch 8, 2012 at 7:20 PM

    God's timing is perfect. Your children just aren't ready to become yours yet. The waiting might seem unbearable, but God's wisdom and grace are immeasurably more than we can imagine. I'm sorry for your heartache. We love you both.

    ReplyDelete

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