Ethiopia Court Trip-Day 3 (Seeing Our Son!)...

The past three years of my life, blogging has become somewhat therapuetic.  At first, I wrote to share about our journey, but it quickly turned into so much more.  Writing became a way that I could not only share the details of our journey, but the also the chapters of a story written by a God who had so much more in store for my life.  He has never ceased to amaze me as each chapter has been revealed, chapters that contain some of the darkest and hardest moments of my life, and chapters that contained a level of joy, grace and love that I didn't even know existed.

As I have shared each chapter, I have always imagined writing about the one that would contain the details of meeting our child(ren) for the first time.  There were so many days I didn't think it would ever happen, and even as I type this morning, I am in awe that it has finally come.  I am not sure that my words and writing can do the  moments of grace that God has given us justice, but I will try as best as I can.

Monday morning I woke up early.  That may be the understatement of the day.  After laying in bed imagining what the day would look like for about 4 hours, finally falling asleep for about 30 minutes, the sun was up and so was I.  I felt like it was the first day of school.  I wasa nervous, excited, apprehensive, and just plain overwhelmed!  We had to be ready to go by 6am, so Birtukan made us some cinnamon rolls to go, I grabbed my travelers cup with some of the best coffee in the world, and we started on what would be a three hour journey.

Thankfully, Mulu was outside ready to greet us, along with an amazing social worker, Simret.  As we closed the doors of the car, Simret asked if Nate would pray and then we headed out.  The car ride to the orphanage was awesome!  As we ventured ouside of the city we began to see a different world of Ethiopia.  The hustle and bustle of cars, people and animals were quickly replaced with a rural setting that left you breathless.  There were women of all ages carryiing huge stacks of bamboo and euctalyptus, young children wandering the roads and the fields, many who were working, and men of all ages riding cattle, working the fields and hanging outside together.  Animals were still every where!

Simret, our social worker, and I, fell into conversation right away.  She asked me what I did for a job, and I told her I was a youth pastor.  She got so excited!  She has felt like God has been calling her to lead a Bible study with the teens in her church.  We started talking about ministry, the youth culture, and God's call on our lives, and quickly realized that althought our worlds look entirely different, they are a lot more similar than we think.  Simret wasn't even the social worker that was supposed to travel with us that day, but stepped in last minute, and by the end of the day, I felt as though God had made that connetion to encourage the both of us.  Pretty amazing!

It took about 3 hours of crazy driving to get to the orphanage.  Mulu, our driver, really loves to keep us on our toes!  When we were about 30 minutes away, I happened to look ahead and saw something moving fast across the road.  It was a family of baboons!!!  I started yelling, "Oh my word...there are monkeys out here!!!"  Mulu pulled over and let us take pictures and I am sure he thought I was one crazy American as I continued to say over and over, "I can't believe we just saw monkeys...live monkeys!!!"

Looking back now, I think God gave those moments to us so that the knots and apprehensiveness in my stomach would settle and I would realize that the day was going to be awesome.  We finally arrived in the town where our orphanage is, turned down several streets, and then found ourselves outside of a gate, beeping to get in.  We had arrived.

A lot of things started going through my head.  Would Biruk like us?  Would we bond right away?  Was I going to lose it and cry my eyes out?  Was he going to cry his eyes out the second we picked him up?  Would I have to change his diaper (I was deeply concerned about this one seeing that I have changed about 3 diapers in my life...and for those of you who are reading this, yes, I know that changing diapers is my new reality!).  Would the moments be everything I had imagined them to be for the past three years of my life?

The gate keeper opened the door and I knew that all the answers that had been mulling through my head would be answered in a matter of a few minutes.  The orphanage was pretty small, but reminded me of the ones we had been to in Honduras.  As soon as we stepped out of the car, we were greeted by a little boy with down syndrome (who was beyond cute in his little jean jacket), and a teenager girl about 12.  They grabbed our hands,hugged us, and wanted to show us the little world they had been living in.

I am used to being in Spanish speaking cultures where I can actually carry on a conversations, but this was so different.  I didn't know the language and realized just how frustrating that is.  As I looked into the eyes of these children, I wanted them to know that they had not been forgotten, that God has plan for their lives, and that he loves them with the biggest kind of love.  I realized that hugs, eye contact and smiles would have to convey that for the day.

There was a small blue tarp held up by some poles in the courtyard that we entered.  I found out later that day that space was used for some school things as well as play.  The 12 year old girl led me under the tarp and brought me over to a bassinet that had just been rolled outside with mosquito netting all over it.  Thinking it was our son, my heart started beating fast, until the girl pulled away the netting and revealed a much larger child, and a girl nevertheless.  For a minute I thought, "Oh my word...he has gotten really big...and he looks like a she!"  Yeah...I know...I am ridiculous!  I soon found out that was not Biruk!

We were then led into a small room that housed about 12 babies.  Some were sleeping, some were crying, others were standing up in their cribs starting at the Americans!  And then my eyes saw him for the first time.  The nanny in the room was holding the most precious baby boy in the world, the one whom I had only had pictures of for the past two months, the one whom we had been praying for for the past 3 years of our life, the one who would soon be our son.

Nate and I stooped down at the nanny's feet and looked into the face of our son for the first time.  He had the biggest brown eyes in the world.  His skin was flawless and the most beautiful shade of dark brown.  His head had these little tiny curls all over it.  His hands were the cutest chunky little hands I had seen.  He was more than I had imagined him to be.  He was everything I had prayed for, everything I had hoped for, and so much more.

The nanny then handed him over to me.  Wow...even as I type, there is that lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  People argue about whether or not you can fall in love at first sight.  I am totally a believer!  People talk about when you hold your child in your arms for the first time, you love with a mom kind of love that is indescribable.  I am totally a believer! People in the adoption world speak about "knowing" that your child is your forever family the second you lay eyes on him.  I am totally a believer!

As I stood there feeding my son for the first time, with my husband bent down grasping his little hand, and the little boy with downs syndrome standing there with his arm around us, I ws overwhelmed.  I was overwhelmed by God's goodness.  I was overwhelmed by his grace.  I was overwhelmed by the story he has been writing.  I was overwhelmed by the fact that he has continued to allow my heart to be broken for the things that break his.  I was just plain overwhelmed.

The first thing my sisters asked me was if I had bawled my eyes out!  It was weird...I cried, but everything was happening so fast, it was like my emotions had to catch up.  After a few minutes the social worker told us to bring Biruk and gave us a tour of the rest of the small orphanage.  She then told us we were going to get in the van and down the street to the offices where we could play for awhile.  I looked at her and said, "You want us to take the baby?"  "Yes." She answered.  "Like just as is...grab him and go?"  "Yup."  And just like that we were in the car with Biruk on our laps heading a half a mile down the road (for those of you who have never been in a third world country...there are no car seats!).

For the next 2 hours we would get to play with our son.  They left us in a room to play, and we were still somewhat in shock.  This is going to be our son!  We held him, passed him between us and my mom, held him some more, fed him, cuddled, until he eventually fell asleep (oh btw...Nate will tell you that part was important because Biruk fell asleep in his arms first...whatever...I got him relaxed enough to fall asleep!).  We asked the nanny if we could see his little legs (we really wante to look at them!).  She changed him into a different outfit and we were able to see the most adorable legs and feet we have ever seen.  We held him like our life depended on it.  I kept hugging him saying over and over, "Do you know how much I love you already?"

And then Nate and I passed him between the two of us as he slept.  I would have him for a couple of minutes and then Nate would say, "Ok my turn!" And vice versa.  We had waiting a long time for this moment.  After a couple of hours, it was time to head back to the orphanage.  As soon as we got there, I hugged him tight and said that we would be back.  The nanny took him out of my arms and placed him in his crib...which he was sharing with another baby about his age.

I am not even going to try to describe that one.  It was hard.  It was heart breaking.  And I felt things in my heart that I don't think words can express.  I have been in orphanages before when God has stirred and broken my heart.  This was a different kind of breaking.  It was our son and turning and leaving him there for the next month and a half may have been one of the hardest things I have experienced.

We got in the car and began driving back...tears began to flow, and I forced myself to try not to think too hard about it.  I was a mixed bag of emotions, but despite what I was feeling, I knew a few things.  One...God is good.  Two...he has called us to a journey that has blown us away.  Three...in a couple of months we will be reunited as a forever family.  Four...my son is one of millions of orphans in the world who need forever families, and God has called us to be a voice for that.  My life has been forever changed.