The Hands That Hold Your Heart...

I have somewhat been dreading writing this blog entry for the past week.  The more I have thought about it, the more I have realized that my words probably won’t do a great job conveying my heart.  For the past several weeks, I not only thought about our little Baby B half way around the world, aching and longing to hold him, but my heart has been heavy for his birth mom.  While Wednesday marked the 3 year anniversary of our adoption journey (we signed our very first adoption paperwork May 8, 2010), just two days later marked a day in which Baby B’s mother signed papers to give consent to our adoption.

Yesterday was a huge step in our journey.  We now wait to be assigned a court date to travel to Ethiopia, which our social workers says could happen any day.  Technically, tomorrow will be my official Mother’s Day as an “expectant” Mom.  While I have felt “expectant” the past three years of this journey, having an actual face and name makes it so much more real.  Tomorrow, I will celebrate God’s goodness in a journey where we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I will celebrate God’s goodness and grace in a journey that has been marked with both beauty and brokenness.

But I will also be thinking of little Baby B’s birth mom, who I have imagined is struggling with the grief and pain that comes with choosing to give up a child to give him what she believes is the best life possible.  And while I am beyond grateful for the gift of life she has given Baby B, as well as the gift she has ultimately given us, my heart will also grieve with her on Mother’s Day.

I said to someone this week, “I will probably never look at Mother’s Day the same way again after the journey we have been on for the past 7-8 years of our life.”  God has allowed me not only to experience the pain that comes with infertility, but he has ultimately allowed me to be a voice for all the women who will struggle with Mother’s Day tomorrow as they wake up.  On behalf of Baby B’s birth mom whom I have never met, as well as those women my heart breaks for…women who have lost children through miscarriage, women who have chosen to give up their children for adoption, women who are still waiting, women who are still struggling with a dream yet to be fulfilled in having a family, women who are single and longing for a family, women who are overwhelmed by grief, here is my prayer:

“May you realize that beauty is often found in the brokenness and when it is seen, it is an unbelievable picture.  May you realize that it is often in the grief that we feel the arms of a loving God in the most tangible way.  May you realize that on the days that you feel like you are drowning in sorrow, God has not forgotten you, in fact, his heart breaks for you.  May you realize that while you find yourself in a “waiting” chapter that seems to be unending, God is actually writing your story far better than you could have imagined.  And may you realize that same God who holds the world in his hands is holding your heart right in this moment.”