Life Lessons From 14 Years of Marriage...



I still remember seeing Nate for the first time.  There was something about him that was over the top charming.  He liked my best friend, but it didn't matter.  I liked him more than she did!  And so for two months I chased him down.  I told him every day how much I liked him, we did life together as best friends would do, and I waited for him to figure out what I had been hoping and praying for...that he would one day like me too.  We were only Freshman in college, I never had a real boyfriend, and I had no idea what falling in love would look like.  October 17th, 1997, I gave him an ultimatum in the back stairwell of Eastern Nazarene College.  I was tired of waiting.  He had to make a choice.  Was he in or was he out?  Would he be my first real boyfriend or not?  And then he kissed me...

I can't believe that we have known each other for half of our lives and today have been officially married for 14 years.  It blows my mind every time that I think about it.  I got to marry my best friend.  Not only did I get to marry my best friend, but it turns out I married a man who would stand for what is right, live with Jesus at the center of all things, love me unconditionally, challenge me, and believe in me when I couldn't believe in myself.  It's been an unbelievable ride that I am every day grateful for.

While the ride has been filled with a lot of laughter, memories we couldn't have tried to come up with on our own, adventure that has blow our minds, it has also been a lot of work.  With 14 years comes challenges, obstacles and a whole lot of life lessons.  This past weekend, I had the opportunity to officiate a wedding of some of our friends.  Nate was a groomsmen, which made it all the more...well memorable of course!  Knowing our anniversary was just a few days after the wedding, I began to think about what I have learned about marriage.  So here it is...in honor of 14 years...14 things I have learned about marriage.

1.  Who You Marry Matters...My parents always taught me the importance of marrying someone who shared the same love for Jesus, but I am not sure that I totally got why it was so important until we got married.  There have been some unbelievable moments in our marriage, but there have also been those moments that could have broken us.   Whether it has been making big decisions, dealing with grief and disappointment, letting each other down, making each other mad, being frustrated at work, trying to sort out life...our together love for Jesus has been the one steady thing.  I am not sure what I would have done if I didn't have a husband who understood and loved Jesus in the midst of all of that.

2.  Waffle House Dates Are A Necessity...I can't begin to tell you how many times we have gone to Waffle House at midnight.  Seriously.  And make sure that you have money to pick 20 songs for the jukebox.  It's also a necessity.

3.  Daily Encouragement Goes a Long Way...Nate leaves me little post it notes ALL the time.  There are probably about 50 of them inside of our cupboard door and another 50 in random places.  They are simple, sometimes funny, and always have something on them that remind me that I am loved.  They are difference makers in our house.

4.  It's Ok to Fart in the Same Room...it's actually becomes a lot less gross and a whole lot more funny.

5.  Less is More...A couple of years ago Nate quit his job because we felt like God was leading us to a new lifestyle when Biruk came home.  It didn't make sense at the time, but Nate kept saying "less is more."  While we have a whole lot less money, we have a whole lot more quality time and it has made all the difference in our family.  We haven't second guessed our decision and God has been crazy faithful.

6.  You Don't Have to be Good At Doing Laundry...seriously.  I am really bad at folding and Nate found that out a long time ago.  I was so bad he encouraged me to stop helping.  I never do laundry now!

7.  Your Spouse Is Not a Mind Reader....there have been way too many times where I thought Nate should know exactly what I was thinking.  New flash...this rarely happens.  Communication is key.  The more we can talk and share, the better understanding we have for each other.

8.  Never Go Camping Without Your Sleeping Bags...or blankets...or pillows...in a storm...in a tent that leaks.  Not that this has happened in our marriage of course.

9.  Stay BFF for Life...That's Best Friends for Life for all of those of you who don't hang out with teens for a job.  Do things that are fun and spontaneous, stay up late talking, watch your favorite movies, and share your deepest secrets and you biggest dreams.

10.  Determine What Matters From the Start...in the end, what do you want your marriage to look like?  What do you want your family to look like?  Base decisions on that.  In the end, we are a result of our decisions

11.  Coffee Runs Save the Day...whether you have had a bad day, you forgot to celebrate something important, you are trying to avoid your work, you don't feel like cleaning, or you just need a few minutes away from life, Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks ALWAYS makes a difference and in our house is something we never say no to!

12.  Traditions Should Be Created...for our house it's spaghetti dinners with college kids on Wednesdays, reading our favorite scripture promise out of a can after meals, and praying for friends whenever they leave our house.  They are what make us Sawtelle's and we probably have a whole lot more of them.

13.  Date Nights Are Essential...especially when you have a kid.  Sometimes you just need to be able to ride alone in a car without listening to Barney sing songs about staying away from strangers.  This one we are working on and realizing these days that that time alone is super essential to keep our marriage fresh and in tact.

14.  Practicality is For The Birds...when it comes to the future, it is far to easy to make plans based on practicality.  We have learned that the best kind of life is not always based on what makes sense.  God has some unbelievable things for our marriage and for our family, but they aren't always what seem to be "practical."  He is calling us to surrender our daily decisions, our dreams, our hopes, and our futures so that he can replace them with things that are far greater and far better than anything we can imagine.  We've given Him everything, and while it may not look practical on paper, it's a decision that has had the greatest impact on our marriage to date.

We still have A LOT to learn, but I am forever grateful for the first 14 years of learning.  I can't wait for the next 50!







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Mother's Heart...

Image
It was the night before we were ready to leave for Ethiopia that it dawned on me. We hadn’t given the necklace to Biruk yet. When we had exchanged necklaces with his birth mom ten years prior at the orphanage, we had no idea when we would give it to him. We just knew that we wanted him to be old enough to appreciate it, as it would be the only thing he would have from her. We had no idea if we would ever see her again.  There have been several moments in our journey where I’ve had to pinch myself, because it has felt like I was dreaming. That night as we put our final things in our suitcases, took a deep breath, and came to the realization that we were not only taking our kids to Ethiopia, but that Biruk would in fact meet his birth mom…well, you had to pinch me, because it felt like I was dreaming. It also felt like the perfect moment to share this gift that we had been holding onto for 10 years. So we pulled out the necklace and gave it to Biruk. While words can be few and far
Read more

Stories Matter

Image
Yesterday, my family and I found ourselves at a local elementary school’s culture club, presenting about our trip to Ethiopia. Even as I write those words, it kind of blows my mind how God has continued to use our story in unexpected places. When the kids were old enough to understand, we began to talk about taking them back to their birth country when they turned 10. We figured at 10, they would be old enough to be pretty good travelers, but still approach the adventure with a childlike wonder. What we didn’t plan on, was that the year Biruk turned 10 would come on the heels of me taking a brand new job, our family moving to a new state, and buying our very first house, in an economy that felt as though it was tanking!  I remember talking to my counselor one day and sharing with him that while we had always promised this trip to our kids, it just didn’t seem to make financial sense. After all, last time I checked, Southwest Airlines does not travel to Africa. He said something
Read more

Thin Spaces...The Sights and Sounds of Ethiopia

Image
When I was in Seminary, I went on my first Mission Trip to a third world country. I was just two years into my marriage, a young 23 years of age, and I had no idea how the experience would change me. My Dad happened to be taking a team from his church to the Dominican Republic and I needed a cross cultural experience for a class I was taking, so it seemed like a perfect match. That trip not only changed my life, but created this passion to serve in third world countries and was the launching pad for all the mission trips I would get to lead at the churches I was a youth pastor at. By the time I was I reached 40, I had taken 2 more trips to the Dominican Republic, a trip to Costa Rica, a trip to Guatemala, a trip to Africa, and of course 25+ trips to Honduras.  There is something about being in a third world country that feels like home to me. I know that sounds strange, but I have often found myself saying, “I’m my best self here.” They are places that breathe fresh life into me,
Read more