Dependency...

The past several weeks of my life have felt somewhat like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant.  Moving to a brand new place after being in the same place for almost 12 years of your life is a lot more emotionally draining than anyone lets on.  I've only been here for a couple of weeks, and I have felt more emotions than I can count.  The first few days we were on cloud nine, meeting families, being showered with dinners and gifts, and just basking in the fact that we get to live close by to family and friends.  We sat around the table at night talking about our love for our new house (which is a dream house), our love for our new assignment (which is a dream assignment) and our love for the people we had just begun to build relationships with.  Fast forward to the first Saturday we were here.

I had a total meltdown.  I missed my family, my friends, and the familiarity of everything I had known.  It was as though I had been secretly grieving over the past few months and it all came out at once.  I missed being able to drive to places that I knew how to get to, knowing where everything was in my house, knowing the ins and outs of my workplace and just knowing...

God often calls us to places where "knowing," and "familiarity" aren't always a part.  More times than not, he asks us to trust his plan, trust that he will give us everything we need, and trust that he is good.  It's actually in the "not knowing," that we realize just how much we need him.  

Sometimes I get wrapped up in the lie that this call that God placed on my life is all about me.  It's about what I can do, what I can offer, and what I can accomplish.  It's what creates this deep desire for me to know exactly what the road ahead looks like and to crave the familiar.  The truth is, God's call has very little to do with what we think we have to offer or what we think we can plan out, do or accomplish.  I think that's why he calls us to unfamiliar places.  He wants to create this deep dependency on him that can only come from throwing our hands up and saying, "Take my life.  Take it in its entirety...your call, what's familiar, what's not familiar, the unknown...it's yours Lord, I trust you."

Tonight, I watched as my new youth group worshipped together for the first time since we have come and I felt overwhelmed by God's goodness and all the possibilities.   It was a small group and I have no idea what the future will look like.  I don't know all their names, their family lives, their hopes, their dreams, or what God is stirring up in their hearts.  What I do know it that God is all over that place.  He's not living in unknown territory.  He's been dreaming up something for this group for a long time and he's invited us to be part of it.  We don't have to know the details, the plans, or even what next week will look like.  All he is asking is that we would remain dependent on him.  I'm more than hopeful...he's got this...and I am pretty sure it's going to be one epic journey.









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