Transitions...

Change has never come easy to me.  I don't know what it is, but I guess I am a woman of routine.  I grew up in home where we did the same thing for every Holiday (we still do), vacationed in the same place every summer, and pretty much knew what to expect week to week in our home.  Even as a Pastor's kid, we really only had to make one or two major moves over the course of my life.

Last Friday night, I was home by myself and I got to thinking about the transition that we are in the middle of due to the fact that we just moved from a place we lived for almost 12 years to follow what God has called us to do.  My prayer partner and friend had texted me to ask how I was doing and if there were any specific ways she could pray for me.  I had received that text earlier in the week and  had waited to reply, because I wasn't sure if I should tell her "everything is great," or just tell her the truth...I was struggling with the transition.

The truth is, I felt guilty for telling her the truth.  Here I was in a "dream job," working at a church I respect and love, on the campus of a college I not only attended but believe in, alongside of a Pastor who is a major mentor in my life, with endless possibilities for God to show up and do something epic, and the reality was...the struggle was real.

Transitions are never easy.  Whether we are starting a new job, becoming a parent for the first time, starting a new year after we have lost a loved one, or just breaking up the routine of everything we have come to love and know as "familiar," transition is just plain hard.  That night, I did get honest with my friend (who lovingly prayed for me), honest with my big sis (who patiently listened to me as I sobbed for 30 minutes), and honest with Jesus (who just held my heart that night).

Here's what I am finding these days as I attempt to navigate this transition...

Honesty is essential.  I am not sure where we get this false idea that we need to look like we have it all together, act as though major change doesn't affect us, and go about life as though we are super heroes that show no emotion.  Truth is...we aren't!  I actually think God loves it when we get honest.  It's in our honesty that we come to the realization that we don't have it all together, but the one who created us does, and he's got us.  There's serious freedom in that.

Pacing is necessary to survive.  My new Pastor, who I respect a ton, has pretty much told me every day to pace myself.  I am only about 4-5 weeks into this job, but sometimes I forget that.  I want to see change happen find.  I want to find a rhythm and a routine like the first day!  I want to make a difference the first week, feel like I am accomplishing enough, and be able to sit back and be proud of all I have "done."  Reality...most of the time we are running a marathon, not a sprint.  Life doesn't have to look "normal" the first week, the first month, or even the first year.  If we can do our best each day and get up and do it again, ultimately letting God guide pace us, in the end, we'll realize we'll accomplish way more than if we tried to sprint on our own.

Grieving is good.  For the first few weeks, I found myself grieving far more than I had imagined.  I missed my friends, my youth workers, knowing what aisle peanut butter was in in the grocery store, being able to unload my heart to people who knew what made me tick, etc.  My Dad said to me at one point, "you've loved hard which makes leaving really hard."  Grieving over the past few weeks has actually made me realize that God did some amazing things where we just came from...so amazing that they made a serious dent in my heart.  That's the same God who called us here and that can only mean one thing.  He's probably going to rock my socks here too.

Rest is life giving.  When I got here a month ago, I had list of a million things that I needed to do.  That list keeps growing.  With every meeting, every conversation, and every email, that list seems to be never-ending.  Isn't that pretty much how it feels in life?  We are never done, we could always do more, and most of the time, we believe rest just stands in the way.  I am learning these days that rest is essential to my family life and most importantly my soul.  Whether that "rest" is found having a cup of coffee with Jesus at 6am, going for a midnight sushi run with my hubby, biking around the campus of ENC with my sweet son,  having a spontaneous dance parties in the kitchen, or walking the beach as a family, rest is life giving.  It's why God gave us pretty strict instructions to do it.  He knew it would fill us, especially on the days when we struggle to feel full.

Someone once said, "If nothing every changed there would be no butterflies."  I kind of love that quote.  This week, God has been reminding me that while transitions are hard, there is something beautiful about them.  I already see some of the signs of the beauty as I watch my son run around with his new friends at church, as I get to share life with my sister and family each week, as I watch the teens we have been entrusted with laugh like crazy and begin to bring their friends to youth group, as we dream up new ideas in staff meetings, and as we share meals in our home with college students.  The adventure is just getting started and I hope in the end we love hard here.