What Matters Most...

It's been almost 3 months since we've been home with our sweet Madhavi.  It feels like just yesterday, Nate and I were just on a plane to India, staring at each other, wondering what this next chapter of life would bring.  I don't think in those moments we really had any idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we were hopeful that love would prove to be transformational.

Today, we received Madi's certificate of citizenship in the mail and couldn't get over the contrast of the picture on the certificate (which was taken the day we took her out of the orphanage), and the little girl sitting in front of us.  Even Madi, when she looked at the picture, got visibly upset and pushed it away.  A child once full of fear, sadness, and despair, now runs around with her big brother laughing, whispering secrets, and calling your name over and over to show you everything that's a part of her new world.  Love is a pretty powerful thing.

Two weeks ago, I went back to work after an 8 week Adoption Leave that my church had graciously granted to me (I will seriously owe them for the rest of my life!).  That 8 weeks was HUGE for us. 
While there were some incredibly beautiful moments (just check out my social media where I continue to obnoxiously post the world's cutest kids), there were also a ton of sleepless nights, a lot of emotional days, and some trying moments in the bonding process.  It was a time where we tried really hard to not only be intentional, but to also step back from the busyness of life and think about what we want to be as a family of 4.

Several months ago, I heard someone say, "When it comes to your life and the choices you make, ask yourself this:  Is what you want now, what you want most?"  So I started thinking about that when it comes to my own life.

What I want now is a big fat Donut from The Holy Donut.  What I want most is to lose 5lbs.
What I want now is to binge watch on Netflix.  What I want most is to really learn Spanish.
What I want now is to stay home.  What I want most is to have rich relationships.
What I want now is to skip my workout.  What I want most is to feel healthy.
What I want now is to sleep in.  What I want most is for God to speak to me.

Then I started thinking about that when it comes to my own family.

What I want now is to let my kids watch TV.  What I want most is for my kids to remember me as a Mommy who loved to play.
What I want now is to finish the never ending work list.  What I want most is for my kids to know I am present.
What I want now is to let my emotions get the best of me.  What I want most is for my kids to know I love them unconditionally
What I want now is to binge shows on Netflix.  What I want most is a healthy marriage.
What I want now is to skip night time books and prayers and just go to bed.  What I want most is for my kids to know this Jesus who has changed my life.

Often what we want now is the very thing that keeps us from having what we want most.  And often what we want most requires a sacrifice.

This past month, I was given two opportunities that don't come often for me.  One was to speak at a Youth Camp and one was to speak at a Young Adult Retreat.  While that may not sound like a big deal, it was for me, and everything in my being wanted to say yes.  It was everything I wanted right now.  The problem was, both things were taking place during pretty busy seasons of Youth Ministry, which meant I would be sacrificing pretty significant time with my family.  What I wanted now (opportunities), wouldn't give me what I know I needed most (time to invest in my family).  So I said no, and honestly, that was really hard for me.

I don't think every season is going to look the same.  There will be some seasons where we get to say yes to some amazing things, and some seasons that will require a little more sacrifice...all because we're making decisions based not on what we want now, but what we want most.

Last night, when I put Madhavi to bed (which is like a 2.5 hour process because she does not want to sleep!!!), she's did something that totally shocked me.  She started to pray over me.  I'm not kidding.  My two year old prayed over me.  We've gotten into this routine each night where we read books, I sing to her, and then I pray for her.  Last night she said, "Me pray for you, Mama." And then in her sweet little voice, with her eyes squeezed shut as tight as she could, she prayed something over me.  I'm pretty sure it was 1/3 English, 1/3 Marathi, and 1/3 Madhavi.

Those are the moments that going after what matters most becomes totally worth it.