The Season of Transition...

I remember going to counseling for the very first time while I was in college.  I was 19 years old and struggling with fear that was so deeply embedded in my being, that I couldn't walk from one end of the campus to the other (which was all of about a half mile).  Honestly, I didn't want to go.  There was something about being vulnerable and telling some stranger my deepest issues that struck me as weak, incompetent, and incapable of getting my life together.  The truth of the matter was, fear had such a grip on me, I wasn't living as my best self, and I needed someone to ask me some hard questions.  Thankfully, I had several friends who could see that and encouraged me to go.  It not only changed my life, but it began this process that would eventually uncover courage that I didn't even know I had, a it brought healing to my soul.

I am turning 40 in 236 days.  This is no joke, people.  It's coming and it's coming fast.   Truth be told, I've been thinking about my age A LOT.  Like daily.  When I started out as a Youth Pastor, I was 24 years young.  I worked at the same church for almost 12 years, and then three years ago, we moved to Quincy, MA, and I started at a new church, doing the same thing.  This time, I was a Youth Pastor and was now 36 years old, starting with a whole new group of teens, in a totally different context.

People say all the time, it doesn't matter how old you are, it's all about how young your heart is.  To those people I would say, "Yes...totally true...until you pull an all nighter lock in with 50 teens and try to function the next day!"  While age brings wisdom, it does nothing at 4am when you're attempting to amp yourself up on pizza and mountain dew.  Pros and cons of getting old.

It's funny, when I took my new job a couple of years ago, I came in thinking I had the world to offer.  What I didn't realize was that the transition into a new job coupled with the reality that I am not 24 anymore would cause me to question a lot about myself, my calling, and what I had to offer.  Transition has a funny way of messing with our minds.

We've all experienced it before.  We graduate college and we have to adult.  Everything changes about how we perceive ourselves and the world.  We get married or adopt a kid and everything changes in regards to what we think or don't think we are capable of.  We take a new job and it's totally different than our first job and we question whether we are really fit for it even though the person who hired us says we are.  We lose a loved one and wonder if life will ever feel the same.  We retire from a job that was our life and our calling, and question if we will ever feel like we have purpose again.  Transition has a funny way of messing with our minds, and quickly we find that we may not be living as our "best selves," and often, it feels as though we've lost ourselves all together.

Jesus said, "The thief comes to steal and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."  I've found myself over these past 6 months fighting between living a life where I allow the lies of the enemy to keep my from living as my "best self" and living a life where I can walk away living in the fullness of all that Jesus offers me.  There have been a lot of days where the enemy has been pressing on my heart...trying to get me to believe that I'm too old to do my job, that this isn't what I am called to do, that reaching people for Jesus is just too hard.  He has seemed to find the "transition" ground as one of his "playgrounds."

But Jesus...

Have you ever watched a kid take over a playground?  You know the kid.  She steps right into the middle, takes over, calls out what game everyone is going to play and within seconds, you've got 20 kids all playing da-da-doo (you're gonna have to look that one up).  I kind of think that's what Jesus does.  He steps into these "playgrounds" the enemy has created and he begins to take charge.  He takes the unknown, the lies we've come to believe, the situation that seems so impossible, and he looks us in the eye and says, "I'm gonna give you life like you've never seen it, joy that supersedes situations, and purpose and clarity for this season right here and right now.  There's just one catch.  We have to be willing to let him take over.

Here's how I am letting him take over these days.  I letting him take care of my soul.  And that requires vulnerability.  It requires giving up control.  It requires letting go.  It requires letting him take the lead and re-working my beliefs about myself and my God.  Most of all, it requires being intentional.  That means I am choosing to do things, even when they are hard, that I believe will lead me to discovering my "best self," the self that God created me to lean into, one in which the deepest joy, purpose and clarity is found.

Being intentional means that I've started back at counseling again.  And just like I found out at age 19, being vulnerable is both difficult and life changing, and it's needed even at the age of 39...55...and even older.  Intentionality also looks like having a prayer partner who meets with me regularly to come alongside and not only walk with me, but also ask me hard questions, questions that often lead to me looking at situations and myself from a different perspective.   Being intentional has also meant that I've sought out a Pastoral Mentor that I FaceTime with every 3 months because you know what, some days we need to be challenged beyond our capacity and some days we need someone to call out the good stuff in us that we struggle to see.

I'm turning 40 in 236 days.  Here's what I know.  I will probably need more than pizza and caffeine to survive a lock in and I will definitely not be functioning for at least 48 hours after.  However, I'm learning through intentionality that God has A LOT more in store for me.  He's giving me opportunities to train and equip the next generation.  He's giving me courage to cast vision.  He continues to increase the passion in my heart for those who don't know Christ, especially young people.  He's giving me fresh perspective and clarity of mind.  This is the season I find myself in.

It's the season of transition...and he's giving me life to the full.

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