Longing But Humbled...


The past month, I have felt myself incredibly anxious to receive the call that we have been matched with our children. This week marks a milestone, in that we have been on the wait list for 5 months. Our agency has told us that most referrals (that is the match with our children), happen between 6-12 months. That means that we are officially entering that time period where the chances of getting matched get higher.

Every morning I wake up, I feel myself longing for our children. I want to know what age they will be, what they will look like, and what their unique personalities will bring into our life. I long to create traditions...to find an ebb and flow of what it means to have a family...to start the next chapter of our life. I can't wait to be a family!

In the mean time, Nate and I are attempting to steward the precious time of "waiting" as best as we can together as a couple. We are putting away money (adoption bills are coming quick), spending as much time together doing the things we love to do, taking most of July to vacation with our families, and sharing our story with as many people as God brings into our path.

Two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to preach at a church in all three of their services. The sole purpose...to share our story of infertility and the journey to adoption. What a powerful weekend! At the close of each service, the entire congregation came around us as a couple and prayed for us. We had the opportunity to speak to a few people afterward, which was really neat. A couple days ago, I received an email from a woman who had been in one of those services. She told me that the same day I spoke, a friend of hers called and broke down and shared that she was struggling with infertility. This woman had no idea, but then got to use the message of our story she had heard that day and share with her friend...pretty cool how God uses our stories!

Last week, I had the chance to preach in two services at the church we were working at on our Youth Mission Trip. I had preached on the truth that often when we pray for healing God chooses to transform our hearts rather than our situations. I again shared my struggles of infertility. A woman in her late 40's came up to me after and pulled me aside. She told me that she had been struggling for over 10 years with the pain that comes from being single and not having a family. She said, "Today is the first day that I feel like I have been delivered from that. I just wanted you to know that God brought you to this place to speak to me." I immediately broke down and wept, knowing again that all of this waiting, the pain in our journey, the days where we don't think we can make it...those are all part of the greater story that God is writing. And what an honor it is that he uses our stories to inspire and encourage others around us. I am humbled.

So, as I find myself this morning, longing for my family...and I really am longing even as I write...I also find myself humbled. I am humbled that God doesn't waste any part of our story. He actually chooses to use all parts to reach others around us. I wouldn't trade in any of my story...and I am humbled that in my brokenness, he is creating some pretty amazingly beautiful things.

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