Glimpses of Sunshine...


After long and emotionally draining week, I was thankful to have the weekend. Friday, Nate and I decided to spend the day together after my early morning volleyball practice. I was too emotionally spent to really hold a meaningful conversation about the decisions we have to make in the weeks to come in regards to our adoption. I was encouraged by so many friends and family members who sent us texts, emails, and facebook messages saying they were praying for us. It's always comforting to know that we are not alone in the journey.

Nate and I had the opportunity to spend the evening in DC Saturday night with our extended family for my Uncle's 75th birthday. I am always amazed at how quick time flies and just how many memories we have locked inside of our hearts from the years we have spent together as an extended family. We have created so many rich memories over the years, including spending countless summers at my uncle's beach house in Stone Harbor, NJ, driving to Jersey at Christmas time for our annual Czech Christmas Traditions, and celebrating life milestones along the way.

Last night, my heart felt full. Even in the midst of brokenness and pain that is at time inescapable, God continues to bring small glimpses of sunshine and hope. Sometimes it comes through family, funny moments, laughter, and even acts of kindness. Saturday night, as we were attempting to get to the Kennedy Center to see Les Miserables, we took a wrong turn and wound up grid locked in Georgetown with no chance of moving. It was in that car ride that glimpses of sunshine shone through, as we laughed at my mom, who was threatening to get out of the car and let people know that it was "not ok" to cut in front of us, as my Dad continually offered to "direct traffic" (also outside of our vehicle), and as the rest of us just shook our heads! It felt good to laugh after the week we had.

Glimpses of sunshine came in the van ride with the teens last night as I found myself taking a few steps back into time, "head banging" and belting at the top of my lungs with some of my teens to old school DC Talk! I was reminded of my childhood and all the good and incredible memories that are locked again in the depths of my heart...sunshine spots that have a way of piercing through the days where we feel broken.

And then the big glimpse of sunshine came. One of my former teens, Tasha, who is a young adult who has become one of the most compassionate and beautiful people I know, approached Nate and I last night and handed us a little box. We opened it and pulled out an ornament that had been cut out in the shape of Africa that reads this, "Ethiopia has my heart." The reality is, there are dark days in my life. The reality is, there are some days that I ask myself, "Why in the world did we decide to go this path?" The reality is, there are days where I just feel like giving up. And to be honest, the last 5 days of my life I have totally been there. But the greater truth to those realities is this, two kids in Ethiopia have stolen our hearts, and we don't even know their names! It's not an easy process, it's not something we do just to do it, it becomes our calling. God has called us to this and we will be obedient to his calling. There will be dark days...according to my adoption friends, there are probably a lot more of those to come in the process! But even during those dark days, the God of the universe, the God who knows each of us by name, the God who called us to this process in the first place, the God who knows the end to our story, chooses to give us glimpses of sunshine, and this Monday morning, I want to remember that.

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