Winter Moments...

It's hard to believe that it is December 6, 2012.  I have tried to approach this Christmas Season differently, not focusing on hoping to get a referral before Christmas (like last Christmas 2011), but really trying to just trust God and see God every day I get up.  This past weekend I had the opportunity to speak at a youth retreat in Pennsylvania.  Ironically, it was held at the very same place that my own youth group holds our retreat.  It was really strange to be there in the cold month of December.  We are used to being there in May, where the warmth of the sunshine is everywhere.

Saturday morning we had the opportunity to go on a personal prayer walk.  At first, I was a little hesitant.  It was cold outside!  But nevertheless, I took advantage of the opportunity to have some time to just be still before God.  The Youth Pastor of the group encouraged us to work through a series of reflection questions, moving to a new location for each section.  About half way through, I found myself in an outdoor gazebo that I had spent time reflecting in, on previous retreats...just never in the winter.  God spoke to my heart, and here is my journal entry:

"So, I am sitting in this little outdoor gazebo thing at Kenbrook (the retreat center).  I am about 20 ft away from the pond that is slowly freezing over.  Several years back, I remember sitting on a dock in this very same location, in the warmth spring air, watching the sun reflect off the pond.  I was praying about our desire to have a family, not really quite understanding where God was in everything.  I remember seeing a mother goose cross the pond with a baby goose behind her and noting that as a 'God moment.'  For some reason, it seemed to stand as a promise from God that one day we would have a family...I would be a mom one day.  Several years later, here I am again, sitting at Kenbrook, now in the winter months.  I am sitting in an outdoor gazebo that looks like it has been through some serious storms.  The screening is ripped and torn, the door is falling off, it's filled with leaves and brush that seem to have pushed their way through, and the chairs inside have been flipped and strewn everywhere.  I can't help but think, 'it feels a little bit like my heart these past 3 years of our adoption journey.'  I look out and see the pond beginning to freeze over.  Is hope dormant for the winter?  I ask God for a sign...one sign that will remind me he is still here, still in this process.  I begin to hear.  I begin to hear the trickling of water.  It's the snow melting off the roof of the gazebo.  I hear the birds chirping in the distance.  I see a few leaves dangling off the trees.  And I think...hope is peeking through.  I look off into the distance and see my husband about 100 yards away on his own prayer walk, looking intently into the sky.  I think to myself...God has not forgotten us.  Hope is rising.  I can feel it in my bones, in the depths of my soul.  And I am grateful. (December 1, 2012)"

May we be reminded...He is still there, working through the process, no matter how dormant hope may seem.