A Forever Family...Part 2

Three hours is an awful long time to think.  Especially when you are going to pick up the child you have been dreaming about for what seems like your entire life.  Not only were we instantly going to become a forever family, but this would be the day that we would have the chance to meet Biruk's birth mom.  While I had never met her before and I knew very little about her, I had found myself praying for her all the time.  I had prayed for peace.  I had prayed for healing.  I had prayed that God would just embrace her with all of his love.  And as we drove through the windy roads of Ethiopia that morning, I prayed that I would find the right words to say to the woman who had given us the greatest gift we had ever received...a son that we would love for the rest of our life.

We arrived at the orphanage and assumed that we would meet Biruk's birth mom in a neutral setting, not at the orphanage.  We entered the gate and rather than start with a meeting, they took us to the baby room to see our precious son.  As soon as we walked in, our hearts were overwhelmed again.  Biruk looked like he had grown so much!  We immediately picked him up, but realized that this time he was coming home with us. That was overwhelming in itself (in a really, really, really good way!).  Within a few minutes, he was fast asleep again in our arms.  Side note...OUR KID LIKES TO SLEEP!  The nannies told us to put him back in his crib (which was kind of weird...but hey, the kid likes to sleep), and they ushered us out of the room into a small meeting room.

They then told us, the birth mom is coming here...to the orphanage.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't concerned with that at first.  I knew that she hadn't seen Biruk in awhile, and I wasn't sure if that would be awkward.  Nevertheless, that was the plan, and we were going to go with the plan.  We sat in a little room for what seemed like eternity and finally decided to go out in the court yard and wait.  All of the school age kids were in the court yard, so it didn't take long for Nate and I to find ourselves immersed in a game of soccer and also show off our jump roping skills.  That was a bad idea for two reasons.  One...it showed just how out of shape we were.  Two...it made us want to take home every child there.

Finally, we saw her.  Biruk's birth mom.  I think my heart skipped a beat.  I wanted to hug her.  I wanted to cry with her.  I wanted her to know that we were going to do everything in our power to raise her son in the best way possible.  I wanted her to know that while we hadn't even met her yet, we considered her family.  We entered the small meeting room again, this time sitting face to face with her, and had the opportunity to share/ask anything we wanted.

Nate and I had about an hour with this amazing young woman.  We have decided not to share the details of our conversation with people, because really, it's Biruk's story.  One day we will tell Biruk, and he will be free to tell whomever.  While I wish that I could somehow put into words what that hour was like, I am not sure that I can.  It was extremely emotional.  In the end, I felt like we had seen into each other's worlds a little bit.  We cried a lot.  All of us.  As we were neared the end, I looked down at my necklace that my sister had gotten me towards the middle of the adoption process, when I had felt like giving up.  It has a picture of the United States and a picture of Africa with an airplane going from one to the other.  It says LOVE in big letters.  While it wasn't much, I felt like I needed to give it to his birth mom, so I took it off and placed it around her neck, telling her, we will forever remember you, we will forever tell Biruk about you, and we will forever pray for you.  That conversation and those moments I will never forget.

At the end of the interview, we invited her to come to our goodbye ceremony.  It's an Ethiopian tradition to do a goodbye ceremony that includes popcorn, soda, cake, and some songs.  They bring your child out in a traditional outfit and you have the opportunity to say goodbye to the nannies and workers.  As far as birth moms being a part of the goodbye ceremonies, I don't think that's traditional.  But we felt like we should ask her and she decided to stay.  She held Biruk the whole time.  That in itself will remain forever etched in my mind.

All of the school age children of the orphanage, about 15, sang to us.  To be honest, while it was cute, I couldn't help but think about what they were thinking as we were taking one of their own playmates far away.  As I watched the kids sing with smiles, drink soda out of little plastic cups and scarf up slices of cake, my heart broke.  It broke for the children waiting for their forever families to come.  It broke for the children who have not been placed.  My heart ached for the older children, many who have HIV, who may never be placed.  And God stirred my heart again (that story is for a different blog post...).  It was a lot to take in.

We finished the ceremony and began our goodbyes to the nannies and all of those who had been entrusted with taking care of our son for the first months of his life.  While we were grateful, we knew that one day he would also grieve the loss of people who had loved on him day after day.  His birth mom followed us out to the car, kissed his head 2-3 times, and finally said goodbye.  Getting into the van was probably one of the hardest things we have had to do in this process.  We cried most of the way home.

We had been dreaming about that day for a long time.  And as we held our child in our arms and drove 3 hours back to the city, the reality that our dreams had come true began to sink in.  We had expected that day to be one of the greatest days of our life, and it far exceeded our expectations.  What we didn't expect was some of the grieving that would come along with it...grieving for Biruk's loss, grieving for the loss that children and workers in the orphanage would experience, and grieving that his birth mom would experience.  That is what we are still trying to process.

Adoption is a journey that is filled with so many emotions.  As we lay in bed that night, looking at our son in the crib that was just a few feet away, I couldn't help but think of all we had experienced along the journey.  We too had grieved at times lost dreams, lost hopes, and lost plans.  But in the end, God had taken what seemed so broken, so difficult, and so gut wrenching and turned it into something far more beautiful than we could have ever imagined.  With every breath Biruk took that night (and yes...like the crazy first time mom I am, I think I checked every 2 seconds to make sure he was breathing), I found myself overwhelmed by God's goodness on the journey.  I found myself thankful that he never left us in the grieving and shattered dreams, but he often held our hearts and our hands.  And I found myself thankful that in the midst of our brokenness, he opens our eyes to see his beauty.  Thanks be to God.