More Than Enough...

This past weekend, Nate and I went home to my parents' house to hang out for the weekend.  We were able to spend a lot of time with our family, taking Biruk on all sorts of adventures.  We visited a pumpkin patch with our nieces, checked out some sweet yard sales Saturday morning with Grammy, took a long walk to Starbucks with Pop-Pop, and even ended the weekend with an awesome party for young families that my sister and brother in law threw.  It was an awesome weekend.

We had invited a couple of our friends that we had gone to college with to come out for the party.  They had been huge prayer warriors and sources of encouragement during our adoption journey, and had yet to meet Biruk.  It was awesome watching them interact with Biruk for the first time, a child they had been praying for with us, for years.  About an hour later, I found myself sitting across from my friend for dinner, and she asked me, "How you are you doing?  I mean really...how are YOU doing?"

There have been a few people along the way that have asked me how I am doing since becoming a mom, but my friend that night looked me in the eyes and really asked me.  My reply was, "I love being a mom, but it has been a huge adjustment."  I then went on to share with her some of the challenges I have had as a new, "working" mom, trying to juggle motherhood, ministry, and marriage.

I have dreamed for the past 7-8 years of my life what it would be like to be a mom.  For the past 3 years, I have dreamed specifically what it would be like to be the mom of an adopted child from Ethiopia.  For the past 6 months, I have dreamed specifically about what it would be like to be Biruk's mom.  I imagined what it would be like cuddling with him...it's everything I hoped for and more.  I have imagined what it would be like to dress him in cute clothes...he is way more wiggly than I had imagined!  I have imagined what it would be like to bring him to our volleyball games...better than anything I ever imagined.  I have imagined what it would be like pushing him in a stroller around the neighborhood feeling like a proud mama...it's even better than I had imagined.  I have imagined what it would be like for him to play with his cousins...it has blown my expectations out of the water.  I have imagined what it would be like to watch my parents hold him each time we go home...there aren't even words to describe that.  I have imagined what it would be like to watch my hubby as a Dad...again, speechless.

What I didn't spend a lot of time imagining was what the adjustment would look like.  To be honest, despite the fact that we have an AMAZING baby (seriously...if you have spent any time with Biruk, you know exactly what I am talking about), there have still been some tough days for me personally.  There have been days when I have felt pulled in a thousand different directions, trying to focus enough time on my job and enough time on my family.  There have been times where I have struggled with whether or not I am doing a good enough job being a mom, a wife, and a youth pastor.  There have been times where I have struggled with going from just Nate and I (for 12 years), to Nate and I plus one and the responsibility that comes with that.  There have been some days where I have had to re-learn what it means to live selflessly, because life is not longer just about Nate and I.  There have been times where my doubts and insecurities have crept in and I have asked myself, "Am I good enough for this job?  Am I doing enough?  Am I enough?"

My guess is, there are going to be days when we question whether we are enough.  Whether we are parents or not, we all have days when we entertain our doubts and securities.  The reality is, God never asked us to be enough.  He told us that HE is enough.  He is enough when we struggle to juggle all that is a part of our daily routine.  He is enough when we feel like crying because we just don't have anymore energy to give.  He is enough when we feel like we have failed.  He is enough when we can't seem to get past our own selfishness.  He is enough when we find ourselves dealing with major life transitions.  And he more than enough when we are not.

So, when we feel like we are struggling to keep our head above water (as I described myself to my friend last night), may we remember these words, "I will be your God throughout your lifetime-until your hair is white with age.  I made you, and I will care for you.  I will carry you along and save you."  Isaiah 46:4.  The God of those words is more than enough.