Life Unexpected

Last May 27, 2013 on the day that we first met. This May 2014 hiking at Cunningham Falls. If I had a nickel for every time I cried throughout our adoption journey/post adoption, I would be rich.  At the start of our journey, there were days when I didn't think I would ever stop crying due to brokenness inside of me.  In the middle of the journey the tears came when I felt as though God had forgotten us or there just seemed to be permeating hopelessness in our situation.  There were days when I was so frustrated with the paperwork, the system, or the process itself that tears were the only expression I had.  There were days when I would think about the number of children around the world who were living without families to love on them, ours included, and tears that came from the deepest kind of sadness would pour out of my soul. Then we got our referral and it brought a new set of tears.  There were tears of happiness that God had answered our prayers....

This past January I decided to participate in "The 7 Experiment."  After reading Jen Hatmaker's book, "7," I knew that I was living a life of excess and wanted to learn how to fight against the need to have so much stuff.  In January, I chose 7 foods that I ate for the entire month (it was way harder than it sounds).  In February, I chose 7 articles of clothing to wear for the entire month (it was way more freeing than I thought it would be.  In March/April, I gave up 7 things in my house a day (I probably could have stood to give away way more than I actually did in the end).  This month, I have chosen 7 uses of Media that I am giving up...Facebook (outside of my work hours-use it for youth ministry), Twitter/Instagram, Television, My Smartphone (when I am with my family), Radio (in my car), The Internet (except work related and to blog), and Email after 5pm.  I wish that I could go cold turkey from all of it, but I figured it would be pretty hard to fun...

Last year at this time, I only had a picture of the one who would change my life forever.  Last year at this time, I had no idea what it would be like to be a mother.  Last year at this time, I had no idea the deep, indescribable love that you could have for a child.  Last year at this time, I had no idea the amount of joy that could continue to spill out of the depths of you soul all because your child says the word, "mama."  Mother's Day has been a long time in coming for me, and I can say today, it was totally worth the wait.  I woke up this morning to find a balloon and a sign on Biruk's door that simply read, "Dear Mom."  A I opened up the door, there stood the sweetest sight in the world, my son (I still cannot believe I get to call him that), with this big toothy grin on his face.  Behind him were foam board signs that read, "I love you," "I love when you sing to me," and "Happy Mother's Day."  I completely lost it an...

Tonight I turned to Nate and said, "I feel incredibly emotional today."  His reply was, "That's because it's the Eve of your very first official Mother's Day."  As I let that reality sink in, one that I have only been able to dream about the past 8 years of life, I found myself overwhelmed once again.  I am overwhelmed due to the goodness and graciousness of God's story he wrote so long ago, that was unveiled to us this past year.  I am overwhelmed that last Mother's Day, I spent the weekend dreaming about what it would be like to meet the little boy who we would soon call our son, and now, that little boy sleeps in the very room next to me.  And I am overwhelmed that God weaves our losses, our pain, and our brokenness and somehow creates a tapestry of beauty in his time. As a child, I envisioned so many things for my life, but infertility was not one of them.  To be honest, I am not even sure that I knew what that word meant, let alone kne...

I have always been a "talker."  I am reminded at least once a week that I talk a lot and really, I can't argue about it.  I talk A LOT.  Not only do I talk a lot, but I really don't like to be alone either.  I love being around people and I love talking!  So you can imagine that when my cohort encouraged me to take a whole day of solitude, every ounce in my being shouted, "NO!"  I didn't really see a need for it, even though many of the women in the cohort had shared how beneficial it was.  I didn't really feel like I had time for it due to the sheer fact that our Spring Youth Retreat is less than two weeks away.  And I didn't really feel like being alone could possibly benefit me in anyway.  Nevertheless, as I stated in my last blog, when I know that 9 friends are going to hold me accountable, I stick to my word.  I called a retreat place and scheduled a day of "solitude." I had no idea what the day would look like.  I grabbe...

While I wish this was the first picture of Biruk looking at the ocean, it is not!  This is after he took the leap to trust. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day in solitude.  If you are reading this and you actually know me, as well as my personality, you are probably thinking...NO WAY!    Let me back up a little and share how I got there and then more importantly, how it an incredible experience it really was.  This past September, I was invited to join a Women in Youth Ministry Cohort, with 9 other women Youth Pastors across the country.  I didn't know a whole lot about it other than, it cost a decent amount, it would an opportunity to learn, grow, and be "coached" in my professional work as a Youth Pastor, and I would travel to California twice during the year.  I also knew the cohort was being led by a friend I had met (via Facebook), April Diaz, who had been a huge source of encouragement during my infertility and adoption journey. ...