10 Months...One Defining Chapter

My Coach, April Diaz, and I and of course...Africa in the background!

Over the course of my life I can point to certain chapters that I would consider to be “defining.”  They are times where I have seen my soul be awakened, challenged and changed.  They are moments that I couldn't have wished for or created on my own.  They are points in time that have been critical to shaping my heart.  The past 10 months have been one of those defining chapters.

Last Fall I found myself feeling restless.  I was in the middle of my 10^th year at our church as Youth Pastor.  We had just brought home our son Biruk from Ethiopia after a 3 year journey of waiting.  I was in the middle of a maternity leave, attempting to figure out not only how to be a Mom, but how to be a “working mom” with a paid professional job.  I was struggling with so many fears in my personal life.  And honestly…I was struggling to feel valued and validated.  That October, I received an email that would change the course of my life.

The email was from April Diaz, a friend whom I had been corresponding with for about four years via Facebook.  I had been connected to her by another woman in ministry who had taught one of the seminars I had attended at a Youth Specialties Convention.  I had been struggling with my journey of infertility and in the end discovered April had walked a very similar journey as I was walking and was in the middle of adopting two children from Ethiopia.  Over the 4 years, April not only encouraged me in my personal life, but began to speak into so many other areas of my life, ministry being one of them.  When April emailed me last October, it was to tell me that she was starting a Women in Youth Ministry Cohort, through the organization “The Youth Cartel.”  It was going to be a 10 month long cohort, comprised of 8 other women Youth Pastors from all over the country.  We would gather twice together, face to face in California, video conference call several times throughout the year, and have 4 phone coaching calls with April.  The purpose of the cohort would be to challenge us, affirm us, shape us, and develop us as professional women in youth ministry.  I knew it was something I needed to do, so I took a leap of faith and signed up.  I had no idea how it would affect my life. (side note...if you are interested in this very thing...she is starting another one and you can find the information here April Diaz Coaching Cohort)

Throughout the course of this cohort, I have read about 10 books that have empowered me as a woman in youth ministry, have helped me to understand my role as a working mother, have taught me so many different facets of leadership, and have taught me to lead courageously.  I have learned the importance of knowing my personal vocational values and how they affect the role that I choose to be in.  I have been challenged to think outside of the box with the issues I face in ministry.  I have been reminded of how crucial the role of prayer is in my life.  I have been not only encouraged to find a rhythm of rest as well as a monthly day of solitude in my life, but have come to love and look forward to it.  Most of all, I have been forced to recognize so many of the fears I carry around with me and have chosen, with the accountability of my cohort, to face them head on.

Each month in our cohort, we set goals for ourselves and assigned personal homework to accomplish.  These assignments included reading, journaling, having necessary conversations with people in our life, creating prayer teams, taking days of solitude, creating personal vocational values, taking risks, setting personal goals, facing fears and writing about them, and so much more.  In the end, I was able to complete all the assignments I was given and had given myself, which I believe had a huge impact on what I got out of this cohort.

This cohort has been such a defining chapter of my life because I have learned to face my fears of failure, of the unknown, of not being good enough, and of so many things outside of my control.  I have learned that my fears can’t control me and that God is so much bigger than any fear I could ever face.  I have learned that I have something to offer this world and that shouldn't be silenced.  I have been taught to step out even when I think I am not good enough.

Enter Africa and read my blog post here Finding Myself In Africa...

There were a thousand reasons I could have said no to a trip to Africa (actually, you can read about that in a few posts back).  But, my cohort taught me to fight fears head on, so I did.  Africa taught me so much.  I had the opportunity to walk in the very villages where our 30 Hour Famine funds are being put to use.  I saw some of the most vulnerable people struggling to survive on a daily basis.  I walked along dirt paths with women and children who walk 6-8 miles daily in search for clean water.  I heard stories of children who had been malnourished whose lives are being changed because of funds like 30 Hour Famine that are being put to use to teach nutrition.  I learned about vulnerable children who are taken advantage of daily and met men and women who are working tirelessly to change that.  I watched at how simple teaching something like washing hands in a community is literally changing lives.  It was a powerful reminder that we are partners in shaping this world and it really doesn’t take much to make a difference.

Africa wasn’t just about learning either.  It was life giving and life shaping for me. For starters, the people who I went with turned out to be so much more than just their titles.  They were people I learned from, grew with, because friends with and who in the end deeply affirmed me.  Second, it reminded me of the voice I have been given and the call that God has placed on my life as a women in ministry.  About 5 days in the trip I was given the opportunity to preach in a church that was packed with people.  For the women in that place that day, they were not only able to see a woman preach, but they were empowered to do the things that God was calling them to do.  In a place where women do not hold the same value as men, this was powerful.  Third, I had so many conversations with the team I was with who reminded me that I have something to offer in the Nazarene church.  They reminded me that as a woman in youth ministry for our denomination I am a voice for so many other women trying to live out the call of God on their life.  They encouraged me to write more, step out to lead, seize opportunities to share and to speak, and to continue to take risks.

And so when I say the past 10 months of my life have been “defining,” I don’t say that lightly.  These months have changed me.  They have caused me to think about where and what I want to spend my time on in the years to come.  They have taught me that I have something to offer.  They created a risk taker in me.  They have affirmed me.  They have shaped me in profound ways.

I want to live as though the defining moments of my life are more than just something to talk about and share.  I want them to continue to change the course of my life and in order for that to happen, I have to make the choice to live differently because of them.  And so I choose.  I choose to face my fears.  I choose to take risks.  I choose to be a voice for the voiceless.  I choose to look for opportunities to share what Jesus is doing in my life.  I choose to lead courageously.  I choose to live without reserve.  I choose to follow Jesus wherever he takes me.  And wherever it takes me…I will be expectant.