Hot Tubs, Chocolate Chip Cookies, and Investing Wisely...
Nate and I have been married for almost 14 years and have never been on a marriage retreat, let alone a marriage retreat for adoptive parents (honestly, all the retreats we attend usually have between 30-50 teenagers present, include getting about an average of 4 hours of sleep a night, and usually require you to live off of insane amounts of caffeine and junk food to survive!). So honestly...we had no idea what to expect. When we arrived, we were totally blown away. For starters, it was held at this incredible ski resort with fireplaces, comfy couches, unlimited supplies of coffee, warm chocolate chip cookies ALL THE TIME, and an amazing hot tub...outside...overlooking the mountains and ski slopes. AMAZING.
When we got the key to our room, the amazingness only intensified! We had this huge suite, equipped with a kitchen, two big spacious rooms, an incredible bathroom, and a K-Cup machine with unlimited supplies of K-Cups. Life was pretty much perfect. And then we looked on the table. On the table was a bag full of goodies. Side note...some times when you go to conferences they give you lame note pads and pens as your "goodies." This was totally different. The bag was full of the most thoughtful gifts. There were snacks, beautiful mugs, art work, children's adoption books, family fun movies and more. Honestly, the best part was the smallest thing inside. It was a hand written note from the couple who puts this whole thing on saying they had prayed specifically for us and for our weekend. That made our weekend.
The weekend was filled with so many good things. From feeling like you were a part of a family the whole time, to intimate times of worship, to incredible messages from our speaker, to great break out sessions, to time alone with your spouse, to deep conversations, new friendships, and just time to breathe...the weekend was more than we could have asked for. Here are just a few of the things I took away:
1. The World Is Crazy Small-At the start of the weekend we were given name tags that also had a picture of a flag from the country we adopted from. Within the first few minutes we were on the search for other couples that adopted from Ethiopia. Within the first few hours, we would talk to one couple who not only adopted from Ethiopia, not only used the same agency, but also had a son from the same orphanage as Biruk! I actually had a picture of their son on my phone from Biruk's goodbye ceremony. Their son, who was 5 or 6 loved going to see the babies in the baby room at the orphanage. He probably was one of the little angels that made our little angel smile while he was so far away from a family during those months. That gives me goosebumps thinking about it.
2. Our Job is To Invest In Our Kids-I know that sounds "obvious," as parents, but seriously, our kids are going to live so much longer than us. Our job is to invest in them wisely. Wisely doesn't just mean to give them a "good life," give them success and money, or take care of their needs. Wisely means that we impact them for eternity. That is some serious responsibility. We better choose wisely what we choose to invest in as families.
3. Hot Tubs Should Be Everywhere-Seriously. Hot tubs outdoors? Why don't we have one at our house? Enough said.
4. Know What You Are Doing-Our speaker reminded us that we were created for a small amount of time in the grand scheme of eternity. Within that space we were created to make a difference in a really small window of time. This is our opportunity. We need to know what we are doing and stop wasting time on stuff that doesn't matter. We actually get to partner with God in this world. We probably should focus on that:)
5. Prayer Matters-If we are doing things without really "praying," we are really just doing life alone, and that leads to loneliness and burnout. We get to actually join Jesus in praying...that is insanely sweet. Prayer is a partnership with God that actually allows us to be in conversation with him. To be in conversation with the Creator God...can life get any sweeter?
6. Cookie and Caffeine Willpower Is Needed in My Life-Just because there are free cookies and coffee at every turn doesn't mean you have to eat/drink them. Ok, let's be honest, I never really learned that one. They should have done a seminar break out session on that or had this thing at another hotel.
7. Creating Space for Conversation is Crucial-Saturday morning, we were given about an hour to go have some "alone" time with our spouse (not that kind of alone time...we were kicked out of room by then!). It was time and space to reflect on some of what the speaker had shared about. Honestly, we spent a few minutes going through the first few questions and then conversation just happened. Nate and I had some really significant convo take place that I think was needed for awhile. Sometimes we need to create the space and we aren't always good at making it a priority. It was really significant for us.
8. God Wants Our Love-I know, I am a Pastor and I preach that all the time. However, it hit me in a different way. Our job is to love God with everything inside of us. It is bigger and more important than the job of raising kids and even then the job we actually get paid for. It is our number one. It's our priority. Without it...we are useless.
9. My Husband Rocks-This one is pretty point blank. I am the most blessed woman in the world. I thought about it over and over again this weekend. I chose wisely when it came to dating a guy who I knew loved Jesus with all of his heart. I don't say that to brag. I say it because it matters. I am so thankful, and was reminded of that as we spent time together this weekend, that I am married to a man who is so in love with Jesus that it spills over into every decision he makes. Who we marry matters in ways that are so much bigger than we will ever know.
10. Adoption is A Gift-When you look at Biruk, listen to his laugh, hold his hand, or see his gigantic smile, it isn't hard to see he is a total gift to us. We don't deserve him, but God placed him in our family and he has been the most incredible gift. I was reminded this weekend that I get so easily tangled up in work, stress, expectations I place on myself, and stuff that doesn't matter, that sometimes I forget about the incredible gift that I wake up to every morning. I want to be a mom who is present, who remembers every day the "blessing" in my home, and remembers what really matters most.
I am counting down the days until next year's retreat and will have my fingers ready to type as soon as registration opens. For now, it's back to reality, where hot tubs and warm chocolate chip cookies are non-existent and God's call on our life to invest wisely in our families is needed more than ever.
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