Mother's Day...A Changed Perspective
This morning, my sisters and I had the time of our life taking part in a Mother's Day Photo shoot with our kiddos. As I held Biruk on my lap, I couldn't help but think about the journey that we have taken to get to this place in our life. This weekend marked 5 years since we signed our very first paper work to begin the adoption process for a little boy who at the time wasn't even born. We had no idea what the years to follow would look like, but we knew deep down in our hearts, life was going to change in so many ways.
We knew late night waffle house runs would no longer exist unless Grammy or Nan were around for the night. We knew our living room would probably look like a toy box exploded in the center of it and the likelihood of us not stepping on a matchbox car at least once a day was probably slim to none. We knew we were going to love family get togethers even more than we already did and that adding an additional child to the "Long" shenanigans would give chaos a whole new name. We knew that we would laugh a lot, cry a lot, and have to pinch ourselves on a regular basis to remind ourselves this was our real life.
What I didn't know was how the journey would change how I looked at Mother's Day.
I've always thought of Mother's Day as a day to celebrate moms...and since I have one of the best...I've done that, do that now, and will continue to do that for the rest of my life.
And then I dealt with infertility.
Infertility changes things. It changes how you feel when you go for a routine check up and see pregnant women walk in. It changes how excited you get when your friends announce their latest pregnancy on Facebook with that super cute announcement that you can only dream about. It changes your route in Target so it doesn't include passing the newborn section of clothing one more time. It changes how you feel about getting up on Sunday Morning and heading to church for another year of celebrating moms.
Most people would probably assume that once you adopt a child, Mother's Day just magically becomes...well...magical. While it is an unbelievable feeling to finally be a mom, to have a son that calls you mama, and to receive an actual Mother's Day card, adoption changes things too. You start to realize that Mother's Day isn't just about you. It's also about a courageous women who made a bold decision to not only give their child life, but to give their child a chance, ultimately your child a place in your heart. There aren't enough words to express the kind of gratitude that comes with that.
Honestly, Mother's Day is complicated for me. There are days where I still struggle with the pain of infertility that I don't think will ever disappear fully. There are days where I can't contain the joy that comes from the grip that Biruk has on my heart. There are days when I imagine what the sacrifice of giving a child up feels like and I can't contain my tears. There are days when I pray that somehow Biruk's birth mom will understand the depth of our gratitude. There are days when I look into the eyes of my child and pray, "God...don't ever let me forget the journey."
The journey has changed me. It's given me a heart of deep gratitude. It's given me eyes to see pain. It's given me a voice for the voiceless. It's given me a million reasons to celebrate the goodness, faithfulness, and grace of Jesus.
Tomorrow, I will celebrate a journey that brought a brown eyed wonder half way around the world to become one incredible bright spot on my journey. I will hold his hand, tell him how much I love him, and continue to stand in awe at the grace of Jesus. But I will also remember. I will remember that for some, Mother's Day is going to be complicated. I will remember that while it's not the first thing people will talk about, infertility is a reality and the struggle is real. I will remember that for some courageous moms, tomorrow will be hard. I will remember that for those who are still dreaming and waiting, tomorrow probably couldn't be over fast enough.
For those friends...
know that you do not go unnoticed.
Know that you have not been forgotten.
Know that you are not "less than."
May you be courageous women who will continue to dream, continue to trust, and continue to know...the journey will be worth it, wherever it may take you.
We knew late night waffle house runs would no longer exist unless Grammy or Nan were around for the night. We knew our living room would probably look like a toy box exploded in the center of it and the likelihood of us not stepping on a matchbox car at least once a day was probably slim to none. We knew we were going to love family get togethers even more than we already did and that adding an additional child to the "Long" shenanigans would give chaos a whole new name. We knew that we would laugh a lot, cry a lot, and have to pinch ourselves on a regular basis to remind ourselves this was our real life.
What I didn't know was how the journey would change how I looked at Mother's Day.
I've always thought of Mother's Day as a day to celebrate moms...and since I have one of the best...I've done that, do that now, and will continue to do that for the rest of my life.
And then I dealt with infertility.
Infertility changes things. It changes how you feel when you go for a routine check up and see pregnant women walk in. It changes how excited you get when your friends announce their latest pregnancy on Facebook with that super cute announcement that you can only dream about. It changes your route in Target so it doesn't include passing the newborn section of clothing one more time. It changes how you feel about getting up on Sunday Morning and heading to church for another year of celebrating moms.
Most people would probably assume that once you adopt a child, Mother's Day just magically becomes...well...magical. While it is an unbelievable feeling to finally be a mom, to have a son that calls you mama, and to receive an actual Mother's Day card, adoption changes things too. You start to realize that Mother's Day isn't just about you. It's also about a courageous women who made a bold decision to not only give their child life, but to give their child a chance, ultimately your child a place in your heart. There aren't enough words to express the kind of gratitude that comes with that.
Honestly, Mother's Day is complicated for me. There are days where I still struggle with the pain of infertility that I don't think will ever disappear fully. There are days where I can't contain the joy that comes from the grip that Biruk has on my heart. There are days when I imagine what the sacrifice of giving a child up feels like and I can't contain my tears. There are days when I pray that somehow Biruk's birth mom will understand the depth of our gratitude. There are days when I look into the eyes of my child and pray, "God...don't ever let me forget the journey."
The journey has changed me. It's given me a heart of deep gratitude. It's given me eyes to see pain. It's given me a voice for the voiceless. It's given me a million reasons to celebrate the goodness, faithfulness, and grace of Jesus.
Tomorrow, I will celebrate a journey that brought a brown eyed wonder half way around the world to become one incredible bright spot on my journey. I will hold his hand, tell him how much I love him, and continue to stand in awe at the grace of Jesus. But I will also remember. I will remember that for some, Mother's Day is going to be complicated. I will remember that while it's not the first thing people will talk about, infertility is a reality and the struggle is real. I will remember that for some courageous moms, tomorrow will be hard. I will remember that for those who are still dreaming and waiting, tomorrow probably couldn't be over fast enough.
For those friends...
know that you do not go unnoticed.
Know that you have not been forgotten.
Know that you are not "less than."
May you be courageous women who will continue to dream, continue to trust, and continue to know...the journey will be worth it, wherever it may take you.
Beautiful, Andrea -- your words, your heart, and your family. Thanks for sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteAndrea, You know how much you, Nate, and our little Burick mean.to us. We are blessed to have you as our friends. Burick is blessed to have you as his parents. Someday when he is older and understands, he will thank you for being his great parents.
ReplyDeleteWonderful story, Andrea. Inspiring to all. So happy for you, Nate, Biruk and your family. Thank you for sharing it with everyone. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.
ReplyDelete