Disappointment and God's Faithfulness...


I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I was with my Mom in Florida, on an annual trip that had become essential to surviving the disappointment that seemed to seep deep into my soul, due to infertility.  The call came from Nate, who asked me if I was sitting down.  Two seconds later, I heard the voice of our social worker and knew this was the moment.  "You've been matched!  And he is so cute!"  I couldn't believe it.  After a long journey of infertility that led to a 25 month adoption wait...the deep disappointment that had taken up residence for far too long, had finally broken.  Joy came that day in the face of a little boy whose name we would learn meant, "Blessing."

Today marks 7 years since we got the call that we had been matched with Biruk.  In the adoption world, we call it our "referral-aversary," but to me, it was a day that reminded me at my core, hope is never lost and God is always faithful, even when we can't see it.

The past few weeks have been surreal.  In a matter of 24 hours, it felt like everything just came to a screeching halt.  Many of us are quarantined to our homes, school is out for another 6 weeks, we're working from make shift offices wherever we can find a quiet space in our house, and it feels a little like the world is waiting to see what happens next.  I guess that comes with the territory of a global pandemic.

As a Youth Pastor working at a church on a college campus, I get the privilege of working with teenagers and college students.  Spending time with them is at the top of my list of favorite parts of my job.  When the news got out that college students would have to head home and most likely miss the rest of their school year, and then our public schools shut down as well, the disappointment started taking up residence real quick...especially for those who were Seniors.

This afternoon, I had the chance to "meet up (through Zoom)" with a few of my high school Seniors who are wrestling with the fact that life feels a little highjacked and disappointment is the new normal.  To be honest, I had been praying for my Seniors (both college and high school) just about every morning these past couple of weeks, and struggling with what awesome words of wisdom this Pastor could share with them.

I then remembered words people had tried to give me when disappointment had take up residence.

"God has a plan.  Just trust God.  Maybe you'll get pregnant.  Don't worry, God's got this."

Holding onto those words was like holding onto a rope that had been covered in crisco.

I actually didn't have the strength to hold on.  What I needed was to know that I was being held and that I could be honest with the one that held me.  Those days of disappointment rocked me in a way that when I think about it, still bring tears to my eyes.  They were really, really hard.  But something changed in me during that time.  I got real with God in a way I had never been.  I lamented.  I cried out.  I yelled at times.  And a lot of days I just ugly sobbed.

And God met me right where I was at.

He met me with his compassion.  He gave me just enough to get through that day.  And then the next day.  And then the next.

And I clung to what I knew to be true about him.  He is a God of hope and he's is faithful.

Disappointment comes in waves and seasons and it's part of what comes with living in a broken world.  It's part of our reality.  But today as I watched Biruk fly down the street on his bike with this huge grin on his face, I was reminded, so is God's faithfulness.  May we let THAT take up residence in our souls.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore have hope;
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him."

Lamentations 3:21-25

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