The Journey Continues...


About a year ago this time, Nate and I were going through our first attempts of fertility treatment with our IUI's. I don't know why, but I have kind of been thinking about our journey a lot, and have realized that this process of waiting on God's timing and God's plan, is sometimes painful. The past couple of weeks, I have kind of been a mixed bag of emotions. It seems like the "baby life," is all around me and sometimes I feel like I am just standing still in the waiting...and that can be really hard. I recently found out my sister is pregnant, recently hung out with a friend and a newborn baby, and even just got home from a baby shower (for a friend that is adopting which is super exciting). While I love sharing in all of those things, I still find the pain of not yet having a family of my own so real. At the same time, I have to believe in my heart...I do believe in my heart...that God shapes us through our waiting and pain. One of the books I have read during this process, "When the Heart Waits," by Sue Monk Kidd, says this about waiting, "Waiting is the in-between time. It calls us to be in this moment, this season, without leaning in so far into the future that we tear ourselves away from the present. When we learn to wait, we experience where we are as what is truly substantial and precious in life. We discover, as T.S. Eliot wrote, 'a lifetime burning in every moment.'"

I am waiting...and often it's painful, but I am going to believe with all of my heart that this moment, this season, today, is essential to shaping me into the woman God wants me to be...and the mom to be someday. For that I am grateful.

Comments

  1. Lorie BromleySeptember 16, 2010 at 6:12 PM

    Wow...thanks for sharing. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. April DSeptember 16, 2010 at 9:44 PM

    Love your sense of gratitude in the midst of the pain! I'm SO glad you've read Kidd's book. It's so great, isn't it?!?! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. PattySeptember 18, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    Waiting is hard. What we learn and how we change in the waiting is priceless. I am praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. DebbSeptember 22, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    Having been in the same "In-between Land," and still waiting to meet our child or children, I can SO relate to all you write! May God bless you in this "dry land." May He fill you to overflowing, even as you wait. May He show you how it is He wants you to bloom right here ~ right now ~ right where you are planted. May He continue to bless your commitment to Him, even when the waiting gets so painful........

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownSeptember 30, 2010 at 12:30 PM

    It's not too often that you find people that can really say, "I know exactly how you feel". Well, I do...infertility, adoption, waiting, God's plan, not our plan, waiting.

    Praying for you...it's SOOO hard to watch it all go on around you and yet still have faith that God can and will bless you exceedingly, abundantly more than you could ever imagine...all because you had faith!

    Let Him be glorified in it all...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Mother's Heart...

Image
It was the night before we were ready to leave for Ethiopia that it dawned on me. We hadn’t given the necklace to Biruk yet. When we had exchanged necklaces with his birth mom ten years prior at the orphanage, we had no idea when we would give it to him. We just knew that we wanted him to be old enough to appreciate it, as it would be the only thing he would have from her. We had no idea if we would ever see her again.  There have been several moments in our journey where I’ve had to pinch myself, because it has felt like I was dreaming. That night as we put our final things in our suitcases, took a deep breath, and came to the realization that we were not only taking our kids to Ethiopia, but that Biruk would in fact meet his birth mom…well, you had to pinch me, because it felt like I was dreaming. It also felt like the perfect moment to share this gift that we had been holding onto for 10 years. So we pulled out the necklace and gave it to Biruk. While words can be few and far
Read more

Stories Matter

Image
Yesterday, my family and I found ourselves at a local elementary school’s culture club, presenting about our trip to Ethiopia. Even as I write those words, it kind of blows my mind how God has continued to use our story in unexpected places. When the kids were old enough to understand, we began to talk about taking them back to their birth country when they turned 10. We figured at 10, they would be old enough to be pretty good travelers, but still approach the adventure with a childlike wonder. What we didn’t plan on, was that the year Biruk turned 10 would come on the heels of me taking a brand new job, our family moving to a new state, and buying our very first house, in an economy that felt as though it was tanking!  I remember talking to my counselor one day and sharing with him that while we had always promised this trip to our kids, it just didn’t seem to make financial sense. After all, last time I checked, Southwest Airlines does not travel to Africa. He said something
Read more

Thin Spaces...The Sights and Sounds of Ethiopia

Image
When I was in Seminary, I went on my first Mission Trip to a third world country. I was just two years into my marriage, a young 23 years of age, and I had no idea how the experience would change me. My Dad happened to be taking a team from his church to the Dominican Republic and I needed a cross cultural experience for a class I was taking, so it seemed like a perfect match. That trip not only changed my life, but created this passion to serve in third world countries and was the launching pad for all the mission trips I would get to lead at the churches I was a youth pastor at. By the time I was I reached 40, I had taken 2 more trips to the Dominican Republic, a trip to Costa Rica, a trip to Guatemala, a trip to Africa, and of course 25+ trips to Honduras.  There is something about being in a third world country that feels like home to me. I know that sounds strange, but I have often found myself saying, “I’m my best self here.” They are places that breathe fresh life into me,
Read more