God's Dreams...

The other day I was talking about our adoption and someone said, "What...are you like in a waiting game or something?"  Obviously, they were a little behind the times, because we have been waiting for over 20 months to get a referral.  This past week my sister, Kristen, and my niece, Sadie, came to visit from Boston. The week before, my sister Heather was here with my other nieces, Emma and Quinn.  Over the past couple of years we have collected a bunch of random toys (including a pop up playhouse) and have somewhat turned the basement into a play area.  I have loved every minute of having my nieces playing in my house.  I said to Nate yesterday, "I love having kids in our house...we have got to get this adoption thing on the road!"

I am not sure what the "heavenly hold up" is...ok, even as I am writing that phrase, I am laughing...I have no idea why that strikes me funny.  I guess I am picturing someone holding up heaven!  We have prayed hard, our friends have prayed, the students in our youth ministry have prayed, people we don't even know have prayed.  I just keep reminding myself that God has to be preparing an adventure and journey that will blow our minds...seriously...if he is taking this long, it must be really good.

There have been several books along my journey that have seemed to strike a chord in my heart.  "Choosing to See," by Mary Beth Chapman is one of those.  I was re-reading some of what I had highlighted the first time through and stumbled on this quote:

"God is always working to make His children aware of a dream that remains alive beneath the rubble of every shattered dream, a new dream that when realized will release a new song, sung with tears, till God wipes them away and we sing with nothing but joy in our hearts."  Larry Crabb

 When we first started the journey of trying to have a family, I had all these dreams.  So many times as I struggled with the pain of infertility, I felt as though my dreams were being shattered over and over again.  When I look back on where I came from (some of the darkest most pain-filled days), I can't even begin to describe the change that has taken place in my heart.  God has birthed a dream in the depths of my heart that I didn't even know existed...the dream to adopt two little ones.  And despite the pain and brokenness along the journey, that often felt as though they were suffocating my heart, God has not only remained faithful and true, but he has opened our eyes to see his dreams for our life.  It's pretty amazing.

I have been imagining a lot lately what it will be like to see the dream come about...the day we get that call that we have been matched.  Sometimes I go into panic mode thinking about it (man our life is going to change fast), other days I get really giddy with excitement, and a lot of days, I have a hard time envisioning it because I feel like it will be one of those "pinch me moments" in a journey that has already been incredibly shaping.

Mary Beth Chapman shares a journal entry in her book that I think we all kind of need to steal in the waiting.  She somewhat re-writes Psalm 40:1-3 in the present tense:

"I wait patiently for the Lord; He will turn to me and hear my cries.  He will lift me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He will set my feet on a rock and give me a firm place to stand.  He will and is putting a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

 We were eating lunch the other day and my niece Sadie, in her really cute high pitched voice, said to my Mom, Kristen and I, "You're a mommy, you're a mommy, and you're a mommy."  I replied, "Sadie, I am not a mommy yet."  To which she replied, "Yes you are.  You are an Auntie Mommy!"  I had to smile at that.  I have no idea how much longer we will wait.  I want to believe and I am hoping that it is sooner than we expect and that even as I write this, God is working on lifting us out of the mud.  In the meantime, while God is working out his dream for his life, I will choose to wait patiently and believe that is he doing something incredible.


Comments

  1. AnonymousNovember 17, 2012 at 6:56 PM

    I love your heart and this key phrase..."I will choose to wait patiently and believe that is he doing something incredible." Thanks for sharing w/ us this weekend! ~Stretch~

    ReplyDelete

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