Embassy Clearance!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are some days that are so awesome that you have to pinch yourself to make sure that they are legit, real, days.  Today was one of those days.  WE CLEARED EMBASSY!!!  I have to back up to yesterday. The greatness of today definitely comes on the heals of a challenging yesterday.  Yesterday was the scheduled meeting between Embassy and Biruk's birth mother.  At the beginning of the week, embassy had notified us that they would not clear us to travel until they met with the birth mom.  Our social worker had told us that it could take a week to hear back from embassy after the meeting.  So, you can imagine that when we got a call around 11:30am yesterday, my heart started beating in that out of control kind of way.  I picked up the phone and thus began the "not so awesome day."

Our social worker informed us that embassy had met with the birth mother, but there seemed to be some discrepancies.  She wasn't sure of the details and told us that she would call us the following day after she had the chance to talk with the Ethiopia team again.  I am not sure if I heard anything else she said, because I immediately had a melt down.  Every possible bad scenario went through my head.  "Could we lose him at this point?  Would this adoption not work out?  What if we didn't travel for months?  What if they couldn't figure out whatever was not adding up?  Had God brought us this far in the process to leave us (that in itself was a stupid question)?"  I cried to the point that I felt sick.  After about 45 minutes of trying to collect myself in my room, I finally came down, my Dad put his arm around me and asked how I was doing, and I started crying all over again and climbed back upstairs into my room.  The day was an emotional day.

To be honest, this process has shaped us in unbelievable ways, which I am grateful for, but it has been extremely exhausting.  We just want our son home!  I spent the day with my family (who I am beyond grateful that I am on vacation with during this whole time), spent time writing in my journal, and continued wrestling with God's timing.  Before I went to bed, I re-read a friend's blog who had gone through some similar challenges in her adoption process at the very same time and read this passage of scripture from Lamentations 3:19-30:

19-21 

I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,

    the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.

I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—

    the feeling of hitting the bottom.

But there’s one other thing I remember,

    and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24 

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,

    his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.

They’re created new every morning.

    How great your faithfulness!

I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).

    He’s all I’ve got left.

25-27 

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

    to the woman who diligently seeks.

It’s a good thing to quietly hope,

    quietly hope for help from God.

It’s a good thing when you’re young

    to stick it out through the hard times.

28-30 

When life is heavy and hard to take,

    go off by yourself. Enter the silence.

Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:

    Wait for hope to appear.

Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face.

    The “worst” is never the worst.

After reading this last night, I laid in bed thinking about all that God had already done in our lives over the past 3 years of this adoption process.  I just kept repeating over and over the things that I again, knew to be true about him.  He has never left us once in the midst of waiting.  He has continued to be faithful in the midst of waiting.  He hasn't wasted ANY of our time in the midst of waiting.  He has extended love and grace in some of the darkest days.  He is still the same God that started us on this journey 3 years ago.  HE WILL BE FAITHFUL TO SEE US THROUGH.

I woke up at 6am this morning to this email, "Sawtelle Family...Your Case is Cleared!!!"  We had been approved by embassy to travel.  I immediately started crying tears of joy.  This is the day that we have been waiting for.  I don't even know that I can put into words how I have felt.  Our bags are already packed, we are with family on vacation resting and having an awesome time (which was one of the best gifts we could have been given), and we can see the light at the end of a 3 year process that has molded us and shaped us beyond what we deserve.  It has seriously been awesome and we can't wait to pick up our son and continue the story God has been writing for us since the beginning.  He is amazing!