He Is...

This morning I woke up with anticipation.  Not only was it the day we would leave for our awesome annual vacation to Stone Harbor, NJ, but I was expecting to get an email from the Embassy saying we were approved and could travel to Ethiopia to pick up our son.  I have been checking my email incessantly.  I actually think I annoy myself with how often I check it.  Every five minutes I look to see if there is something new, and this morning, when I found a new message from our adoption agency, I was stoked.

I opened up the email and did not read what I was expecting.  Instead, I read that the embassy is requesting a meeting with our son's birth mom.  Apparently that is not unusual and no reason to be concerned, but it means that we clearing embassy is going to take a little while longer.  It could take a week to several weeks. You can imagine that as my husband was packing the car with not only our vacation suitcases, but our Ethiopian suitcases, a car seat and a stroller, our hearts felt a little broken.  A few minutes later, an adoption friend who was supposed to be traveling next week to pick up her son, called and told me that they were missing documents and would not be traveling.  She and I were both in tears.

The adoption process isn't easy.  I can confidently say it has changed me in incredible ways, shaped my heart for the things that make God's heart beat, stretched me to trust in a way I didn't think I could trust, but there are still some days where it is just plain hard.  This morning as I sat on the couch, bawling my eyes out and sharing my anger with God...which I am sure he really enjoyed...I couldn't help but ask, "WHY?"

Nate came into the house, asked if I was ok, and and asked if I wanted him to take the suitcases we packed for Ethiopia out of the car.  I said rather strongly, "NO...to all of that."  And so, we traveled to Bel Air, picked up my niece, Emma, who we were taking over night, went the rest of the way to New Jersey (where we will be until we get a call), with ALL the suitcases for Ethiopia.  As soon as my niece got in the car, she asked, "Why do you have a baby seat."  I said, "It's for Biruk."  She said, "Are you going to get him today?" Keeping back the tears I replied, "Not yet."

I don't always understand God's plan.  I am not sure that he ever said we would get it.  So when I don't, I remind myself of the things I know to be true about God.  He has a plan.  He is gracious.  He cares for me.  He cares A LOT for orphans.  He is faithful.  He is strong.  He calls us to things we could never handle on our own.  His timing is perfect.  He is a protector (for Biruk on the other side of the world).  He is all-knowing.  He knows what is best.  He is good.  He has a sense of humor (remember when he gave us less than 24 hours notice for the first trip to Ethiopia...hilarious...maybe that will happen again!).  He is a God of miracles.

So here is what I am praying tonight.  I am praying that the God I know who loves orphans, who has the plan, and who is faithful would do his thing.  It's his timing.  It's his plan.  And he IS the God of miracles.  I am praying that we keep getting stuck in the waiting.  May he exceed our expectations.

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