Life Unexpected

I'm amazed that Mary said yes.  I found myself sitting in church this morning wondering if I would have done the same.  Would I have said yes?  If the angel would have appeared in my bedroom at the age of 14 or 15, would I have had the courage to say yes?  I want to say I would, but the reality is, even at 37 years of age, "saying yes" to God is sometimes like taking this blind leap of faith in hopes that in the end a parachute will appear (as our Pastor described it to us this morning).  I guess that's what really strikes me most about Mary.  She didn't just say yes.  She said it with a confidence.  She said it as though she knew a little about this God who could do the impossible. Sometimes I wish that the things that God asked us to do felt a little more like jumping off the first step and a little less like jumping out of an airplane...wondering if the parachute really works. Last Thursday, Nate and I found ourselves on a conference call with our socia

The past 8 months of my life have seemed to move faster than I can keep up.  I don't know if there are shorter hours in the day when you live in New England, but it has certainly felt that way since we moved here.  Moving is hard work (see my blog post on  Transitions ).  You're constantly working on forming new relationships, establishing yourself wherever you go, jumping into everything, and if you are like me, you tend to live life fuller than full so you don't miss a beat.  You experience a million emotions and just when you think you have them under control, something reminds you that you don't!  Moving kind of flips your world upside down for a bit. That being said, I have epically failed at blogging these past several months.  Seriously...if I were in a blogging class I would have an "F" right now.  So here is my feeble attempt to fill in the gap and catch you up on life, ministry, and the endless Sawtelle adventures. The Move:   We are finally se

When I was about 14 years of age, I remember standing in front of my high school, with my Dad, hoping and praying that someone else would show up.  I figured if just one showed up, it would be a reminder that I wasn’t alone in my school, that I wasn't the only one attempting to figure out what faith looks like in the 9th grade, and I would feel a little less of an outcast that day.  That day, no one showed up.  As I stood there with my Dad, praying for my school, my classmates, and my teachers, I was reminded of two things.  One…sometimes God asks us to be courageous and it can be really uncomfortable.  And two…being courageous together paints an unbelievable picture of the hope of Jesus. This morning I pulled up in front of the house of one of our teens at a ridiculously early hour.  As he and three others loaded into the car with my family, we ventured to their high school to stand together around their flagpole to pray for their school, their classmates, their teachers

I wish that I had creative words to write tonight.  I almost feel like I should, due to the sheer fact that it's been almost three months since I have blogged.  Surely, I should have something inspiring to write.  The truth is, I have felt so many different emotions the past 5 months since our move to Boston, and I've struggled to sort them all out.  I think that I didn't realize just how hard, painful, exciting, and crazy awesome a major transition could be. Leaving everything familiar and known...definitely hard. Discovering a world of opportunity and possibility...crazy exciting. Trying to find your place and start everything over...painful. Realizing you have been brought to a place for such a time as this...crazy awesome. While on vacation, we decided to buy Biruk a hermit crab.  Don't ask why.  This actually turned out to be a decent timely purchase, because we wound up putting our dog down a couple weeks later, a dog that's been a part of

Sometimes God graciously allows you to see glimpses of His Kingdom unfolding right before your eyes.  Tonight He was incredibly gracious. As I gathered together with my new church family to walk around our neighborhood, praying for the people that surround our college campus, I couldn't help but notice His Kingdom unfolding.  I saw it in the faces of 8-10 teens that showed up to pray for their community because they love Jesus and want others to love him too.  I saw it as a 4 year old offered to be the first one to pray over a house of a neighbor whose name was unknown.  I saw it as one of our senior high boys prayed over our house thanking God that we were here.   I saw it as a mother prayed for our neighbor who is soon to be a new mom in just a few weeks who I am not even sure knows who Jesus is.  I saw it as our groups that had scattered, gathered back together and shared stories of how God had used a short 40 minutes to enlarge our perspective of why we are here.  And it.

Last weekend my Dad decided to do something we probably should all do.  He decided to be present.  Let me back up.  For the past 8 years of my life, my Dad and I have had the opportunity to sing in the Ordained Ministers Choir at our District Assembly, since we were serving on the same district for our denomination.  It's not been something my Dad is dying to do each year, but he has done it because it's been important to me. So this year, when I moved 8 hours away to a brand new District, just two weeks before our Assembly, the reality sank in that our "run together," was officially over.  We had been given the privilege to serve as Pastors on the same District for more time than most Father/Daughter Pastor duos are given, and I knew that I should be grateful, but change was still really hard. About a month ago, my Dad called me up on the phone to tell me he had booked tickets to come to Boston to sing with me in the Ordination Choir on my new District.  I know

Change has never come easy to me.  I don't know what it is, but I guess I am a woman of routine.  I grew up in home where we did the same thing for every Holiday (we still do), vacationed in the same place every summer, and pretty much knew what to expect week to week in our home.  Even as a Pastor's kid, we really only had to make one or two major moves over the course of my life. Last Friday night, I was home by myself and I got to thinking about the transition that we are in the middle of due to the fact that we just moved from a place we lived for almost 12 years to follow what God has called us to do.  My prayer partner and friend had texted me to ask how I was doing and if there were any specific ways she could pray for me.  I had received that text earlier in the week and  had waited to reply, because I wasn't sure if I should tell her "everything is great," or just tell her the truth...I was struggling with the transition. The truth is, I felt guilty

The past several weeks of my life have felt somewhat like trying to drink out of a fire hydrant.  Moving to a brand new place after being in the same place for almost 12 years of your life is a lot more emotionally draining than anyone lets on.  I've only been here for a couple of weeks, and I have felt more emotions than I can count.  The first few days we were on cloud nine, meeting families, being showered with dinners and gifts, and just basking in the fact that we get to live close by to family and friends.  We sat around the table at night talking about our love for our new house (which is a dream house), our love for our new assignment (which is a dream assignment) and our love for the people we had just begun to build relationships with.  Fast forward to the first Saturday we were here. I had a total meltdown.  I missed my family, my friends, and the familiarity of everything I had known.  It was as though I had been secretly grieving over the past few months and it al

When I was 14 years old, I said yes to a life of following Jesus.  I had no idea what my life would look like and I really don't think I understand the "cost" of following.   I had asked Jesus into my life at a really young age, but at 14, I felt like he was asking something more of me.  That "something" would entail my future, my family, my plans, my life.  At 14 he was calling me to ministry and I had no idea what the "cost" would be.  Fast forward 18 years... Tomorrow, I will be moving my family to Quincy, MA to follow Jesus to yet another adventure that he has called us to.  I have no idea what that adventure will entail, what obstacles we will face, what friends we will make, what incredible God moments we will experience, or what the journey will look like.  What I do know is...it will cost me. For the past 11.5 years, I have served as a Youth Pastor in the same church, under the same Senior Pastor, in a land that has not only become i

I've been told a few times that I have a unique family.  It's not just the fact that we make random noises while walking in public places...all at the same time, or that we love to roll down the windows of my Mom's mini van and sing David Crowder songs in prestigious vacation towns, or even that we sometimes go searching for Santa in our Christmas PJ's on Christmas Eve.  I think we are unique because we have a deep friendship with one another. This past weekend, my Mom came to stay with us for one last time before we move to Boston.  She was here for less than 24 hours, but we packed in visits to all of our favorite places and then she did what she has done many times over the years here...she frosted her homemade cupcakes...400 mini ones.  Earlier that week, my Mom had called me to say that she wanted to do something for the church because they had meant so much to her and figured cupcakes were the best way to go.  She also decided to write a letter with these wor

My  Last Church Board Meeting...Who Doesn't Love a Selfie! When I took my first job as a Youth Pastor, I had no idea what the next chapter of my life would look like.  I figured that I would probably stay at the church that had called me for 4-5 years and then move somewhere new.  11.5 years later, I just reported to the church board for the very last time as I will be beginning a new assignment in March.  While going to meetings has not ranked on my top 10 list of things I love to do, tonight I felt grateful for the meeting I found myself in because of the people who sat around the table.  They were co-journeyers.  Jesus followers.  Encouragement givers. Mentors.  Believers in youth ministry.  Believers in me. I am not sure that words can really express my gratitude to the people that sat around that table tonight, or the greater church they represent.  I thought long and hard about how to report in way that would paint a picture of what I'm feeling these days as I get r

It's often when we get to a place of contentment that God changes things.  I found that out this past January.  I had spent the entire Advent Season praying that I would feel contentment in the depths of my heart.  Contentment with who I am, contentment in my job, and contentment at home.  Throughout the Fall, I struggled with all sorts of feelings of inadequacies.  I questioned my ministry assignment, questioned my ability to be a good mom and a good wife, and even questioned my capability to connect with teenagers...which was my job.  I just felt like I couldn't get to a place where I felt content with my life. So I decided to spend the Advent Season praying that God would show up and help my heart to be content.  I didn't want to spend my days longing for something different, complaining about circumstances, or missing out on the moments given each day that are beyond beautiful.  I wanted to get to a place where I believed in the depths of my heart, "God...You a