One Week Down...A Lot More To Go!

Well, we have officially been waiting for...drum roll...ONE WEEK! While that doesn't sound like a lot of time, it's one week closer to getting good news. It actually was an interesting week. After Nate and I submitted our Dossier last Monday, a piece of us went into panic mode. I say "us," but I think it was mostly me. We came to the realization that we could technically get a call about kids any day (although we know it will take more than a few days!). We came to the realization that we have A LOT to do in our house to accommodate two children (which was overwhelming to think about). And we came to the realization that our dream of starting a family is seriously in motion! I wondered a lot of things this week. I wondered if I will be a good mom...I think I wonder about that every day. I wondered what our kids will think about us when they meet us...I hope they like us! I wondered how this whole process will pan out, when it will pan out, and what the details will look like. And I think I felt a little...well maybe a lot...overwhelmed.

But here's the thing...I also remembered God's faithfulness through the past several years of my life in dealing with questions and pain and infertility heartache. I remembered God's graciousness as I watched two friends bring home adopted babies within the past month. And I remembered my recent trip to Honduras, where I was able to have a God moment in which he gently reminded me again, you were created for this.

The God moment came in the form of a little girl named "Genesis." Many of you know that I recently returned from a mission trip to Honduras (which happened to be my 3rd time in the country). While I was there, I begged the missionaries to let us visit an orphanage. I had never been to one, and my love for orphans is obviously growing fast, and I was hoping that by visiting with some of our church family, we would be able to spread the passion to help orphans in our church. Little did I know that my world would be rocked.

We visited two orphanages. The first was an orphanage for girls 12-18. We had no idea that was the age range, so when we got there we will a little taken off guard. Several of the girls had babies of their own, and some had toddlers. It was a small place with cement floors and cement walls and a sleeping area that looked like a rustic camp bunkhouse. As I walked around that place, holding a boy that was about 9 months, I just became overwhelmed. My heart broke in ways I can't really put into words. All I know is that when I got in the car to travel to the next place, I was sobbing uncontrollably, thinking about the kids that we would be getting in the months to come and the 140 million orphans all over the world. Again...that feeling can't be put into words.

We got to the second orphanage and it was more overwhelming. We were shown into a room with 30 babies, half of who had severe special needs. Many babies shared cribs and were somewhat on their own. In fact, there was one crib that had 3 babies who may have been a week old. There were two workers to take care of all 30 babies that day.

My God moment came the moment I picked up little Genesis. Genesis was an 18 month old baby who was just sitting in her crib. I went over and started talking to her and eventually picked her up. My heart was just incredibly full. I couldn't put her down...partly because she wouldn't let me, and partly because I wouldn't let me! Holding little Genesis was a reminder that God has has called us to love and take care of orphans all over the world...and we are blessed...we are truly blessed...to be part of that plan. That blows me away. Again...not sure words can describe that.

Well, I had a second God moment on that trip. We went back to that first orphanage, the ones with the teenage girls. I had left feeling hopeless that first day, but the second day, I totally wasn't prepared for what we would experience. As we walked in, we came face to face with what it means to truly worship God with all of your heart, all your mind and all of your strength. Olga, the program director, turned out to be a Christian. She was leading 75 girls in one of the most heartfelt worship times I think I have ever seen. They were praising God...despite their circumstances...they were loving God full heartedly...despite their life story...and we got to see the face of Jesus. Olga is living out an extraordinary love for God and making a difference in unbelievable ways. She is a spiritual hero to me.

I am not really even sure how to close this entry tonight, because as I have already said, words can't truly explain my heart. I know one thing...God places people and experiences in our life to help our heart break with the things that break his. And those experiences and people seep into the core of your being in a way that changes your perspective on life and on the world. I am praying that God will continue to break my heart with the things that break his, and I won't ever be content to stay the same.