Life Unexpected

  I can't believe that Christmas is already over.  Last night, after putting about 1500 miles on our vehicle, traveling to Bel Air, New Jersey, and Maine, we finally crawled into our own beds.  And I am already missing my family!  From baking traditional Czech cookies and breads with my sister Kristen, to playing Monopoly five billion times with my nephews, to dancing with my nieces to Christmas music, to going to the Lancaster City Market with my entire family, to cramming into "Duck Fat" Restaurant in Portland with my mother-in-law (which is a yuppie restaurant according to her!), to hanging out with my extended family in Jersey for a Czech Christmas Eve bash, to watching the Golden Pig come, to putting up the Nativity with my nieces, to building a Rice Krispy Train with my nephews, to sharing around our table Christmas morning all that we are thankful for...we truly did it all and I am more than blessed.  At the end of this vacation, I real...

Last night, I woke up to the sound of my 3 year old niece, Sadie, crying in her bedroom.  She and my sister Kristen, just flew in yesterday for Christmas and are spending the first few days at my house.  Sadie came with very little sleep due to a cold and a fever over the past few days.  Kristen came with less sleep.  So, you can imagine that at 3am, when Sadie was a crying mess who didn't understand why it wasn't time to get up for like the 3rd night in a row, my sister Kristen was at the end of her rope.  I myself was having difficulty sleeping too.  I came out to the living room to attempt to "help," as my exasperated sister attempted to talk my crying niece into going back to bed.  You can imagine it was a fun time! There are a lot of times where I find myself totally inexperienced when it comes to kids.  I guess it is because growing up, I never really baby-sat too much, and now I haven't had a chance yet to parent my own.  Last night,...

It's hard to believe that it is December 6, 2012.  I have tried to approach this Christmas Season differently, not focusing on hoping to get a referral before Christmas (like last Christmas 2011), but really trying to just trust God and see God every day I get up.  This past weekend I had the opportunity to speak at a youth retreat in Pennsylvania.  Ironically, it was held at the very same place that my own youth group holds our retreat.  It was really strange to be there in the cold month of December.  We are used to being there in May, where the warmth of the sunshine is everywhere. Saturday morning we had the opportunity to go on a personal prayer walk.  At first, I was a little hesitant.  It was cold outside!  But nevertheless, I took advantage of the opportunity to have some time to just be still before God.  The Youth Pastor of the group encouraged us to work through a series of reflection questions, moving to a new location for ea...

Friday morning I woke up to one of the greatest kid in the world peering into my bedroom.  It was my soon to be 6 year old niece, Emma.  She had spent the night at "Grammy and Pop Pops" house while Nate and I were visiting for Thanksgiving.  The deal was if she spent the night, I would be responsible for her in the morning!  I loved every minute of it.  The morning consisted of us wrapping up in the electric blanket wathing cartoons, taking a drive over to Starbucks for a special hot chocolate, singing at the top of our lungs in the car with Uncle Nate, and finishing off the morning with cinnamon rolls from Burger King!  It was a good morning. I have learned to savor the moments I am given with family.  In fact, this Thanksgiving I found myself craving every minute I could get to have conversations with my sister, hang out with my Mom and Dad, and just be around my nieces (the only thing missing was my little sis and family all the way in Boston). ...

The other day I was talking about our adoption and someone said, "What...are you like in a waiting game or something?"  Obviously, they were a little behind the times, because we have been waiting for over 20 months to get a referral.  This past week my sister, Kristen, and my niece, Sadie, came to visit from Boston. The week before, my sister Heather was here with my other nieces, Emma and Quinn.  Over the past couple of years we have collected a bunch of random toys (including a pop up playhouse) and have somewhat turned the basement into a play area.  I have loved every minute of having my nieces playing in my house.  I said to Nate yesterday, "I love having kids in our house...we have got to get this adoption thing on the road!" I am not sure what the "heavenly hold up" is...ok, even as I am writing that phrase, I am laughing...I have no idea why that strikes me funny.  I guess I am picturing someone holding up heaven!  We have prayed hard, our f...

This morning in Sunday School, Nate played what I thought was an extremely powerful video (a clip from "Facing Your Giants").  He was sharing with our students the importance of encouraging people through our words, our actions and our presence.  He kicked off the morning by showing this 8 minute video clip and then asking the question, "What reaction did you have to this video and who do you identify with the most."  As I sat in my seat, tears started to form in my eyes.  There are so many days that I find myself fighting with God saying, "I am not sure that I can take much more on this whole adoption journey."  As I watched the clip and imagined God as my coach (fully understanding that one of the main priorities a coach should have is to encourage their team), I felt overwhelmed.  He knows exactly what we are capable of...even if that means that we don't think we have the strength of energy to stick it out.  He isn't some distant God off on the ...

It's hard to believe that we are already into the month of November.  I remember thinking at the start of the school year, right after finding out that our wait time had been extended, the next several months of our life while we wait are going to drag on.  Thanks to it being volleyball season, a season where my life is officially overtaken by the world's greatest sport, I can say, "The past few months have flown!" It's been a weird couple of months for me.  I keep wanting to sit down and blog, but have felt somewhat stuck.  Not much has happened in our process other than the fact that we can throw in a couple of extra months that we have officially been waiting.  On November 11, it will be 20 months to be exact.  I really haven't felt overwhelmed in the waiting process these past few months.  I am not sure if that's because I have kept busy with volleyball, or I have just given up all control of the process (which I don't ever think I had anyway!)...

It's been a week of mixed emotions.  Last Sunday was my 33rd birthday.  Yes, the secret is out...I am 33 years old and I still wear pig tails (although my sister, Kristen, sent me a birthday card this week that said "Pigtails are just about as much fun as hair can have.  They're like a party on your head.  It's your birthday.  Wear the pigtails!").  I had an amazing birthday.  It pre-started with a visit from my sister and brother-in-law and my two nieces for a day of hiking last Saturday.  It carried on into Sunday celebrating with some friends, and eventually ended with my parents making the trek up here to celebrate as well.  Nate handmade me the most amazing gift, a long board paddle (you'll have to look that one up), that I had no idea I was getting.  Even my volleyball girls surprised me the day after with flowers at our game.  It was a great birthday. But, if I am going to be honest, I envisioned 33 a little different. ...

Every once in awhile the pain of infertility hits you like a ton of bricks.  This morning was one of those times.  I had a doctors appointment for a yearly check up, and forgot just how many pregnant women hang out in the obgyn.  As soon as I walked in, the reality that my dream of having a family is still "in process," "hasn't happened yet," and seems to be "ridiculously far away," hit me like a ton of bricks.  As I sat down, I looked around and saw about half a dozen women very pregnant, several women carrying in their little newborns showing them off to the world, and a several women attempting to keep their kids under control while navigating their pregnancy appointment all at the same time.  Just when I thought I couldn't handle much more, I watched a very pregnant women and her husband come out the doors holding their newly taken sonogram.  That's when I realized that the pain of infertility will probably always have a bit of my heart a...

I have had a lot of people asking if we heard back from our agency yet.  Well, the news is not that great.  They have extended the wait time to 22-25 months for us and have told us that we should NOT expect a referral in the year of 2012.  We are still processing that news.  Yesterday, one of my sister's friends found out that their paper work did not make it to the right place in Haiti, thus missing an important deadline for paperwork before some major changes are made in the adoption process there.  There is a huge possibility that their adoption will not happen...at all.  They have been dreaming and praying for their child for a long time. I woke up this morning with this verse stuck in my head..."Jesus replied, 'What is impossible with men is possible with God (Luke 18:27)."  There has been a new song on the radio by Mercy Me, "You are I Am."  Here is what the chorus says: You're the one who conquers giants You're the one who calls out kin...

This past Saturday, Nate and I did what we always do...got up early and hit the yard sales.  I had checked the weather for the day and it was to be clear, sunny skies all morning with big storms hitting around 2pm.  We are in the habit of taking our Jeep Wrangler when we yard sale and so this morning was no different.  However, because there were so many sales, we felt like we shouldn't take the door to the Jeep, because they would just take up space, so we left them at home...and then we unzipped the windows off...and rolled up the back window...Yeah.  Let's just say the storm decided to hit when we least expected it, out of no where, just when we were almost home.  We were literally about a half mile from our house.  Well, there wasn't a whole lot we could do other than wait it out.  We were stuck at a light, it was monsooning (I am making that word up) all around us, it was raining sideways into our Jeep soaking us completely, there was a sign blo...

This past Friday, Nate and I went for what will hopefully be our last time for fingerprinting in this adoption process.  We had to get up early, travel all the way down to the city of Baltimore, and stand in big long line.  We were almost to the front of the line, when the lady in front of us was "ordered" to take off her band aid.  She had a cut on her finger and apparently cuts are off limits when it comes to fingerprinting.  The woman behind the counter looked at the cut and said, "Well...you are just going to have to come back when it heals.  Next..."  The woman looked dumbfounded and I quickly turned to Nate exclaiming, "Check your fingers, check your fingers...if we have to go home because either of us have a paper cut, I swear..."  Thankfully, neither of us did and we checked finger printing off of our list of adoption "things to do" AGAIN. We are getting antsy.  September 11 will be 18 months on the wait list and let me say, we ar...

It's been a melancholy couple of weeks.  I am not sure what it is, but the waiting has seemed increasingly difficult.  We have been working on re-doing our entire Dossier, which doesn't win for the most exciting task.  The first time around it seemed exciting, the second time around it has just seemed to frustrate us.  I guess we are tired of waiting.  August 11 was 17 months on the wait list.  When we started this process, the waiting game was only supposed to last 6-8 months.  I guess that is why we feel somewhat melancholy these days.  We are just ready for the referral to come... I have found myself craving time with God these past two weeks, hoping and praying that he would bring light to this waiting process.  As I have thought about the past several years of our life, waiting for the desires of our hearts to come to fruition, I have seen God weaving this amazing tapestry, shaping our hearts and shaping our lives.  "Waiting" ha...

This summer has gone crazy fast.  As soon as we returned from Honduras, we immediately jumped in the car and headed to New Jersey and New Hampshire to do vacation with each of our families.  Both weeks seemed to fly by.  We returned late last Saturday night and jumped quickly back into youth ministry with a youth group beach trip to Ocean City for a couple of days.  It has been a whirlwind of a summer. For those of you who read my recent post about our trip to Honduras, I wanted to update you with some amazing information about the little boy we met, Luis.  As I shared before, Nate and I were so taken by this little boy with a huge heart.  We wanted to know more about his story and his situation and were curious if there was anyway that we could help him.  The youth group from my Dad's church headed to Honduras a week or two after us, to finish our the project we had started.  It was really cool, because they actually got to work with many of ...

Several days ago, I returned from a mission trip with my youth group to Honduras.  It was my sixth time being in the country, a country where the people and places have become a second home to me.  Honduras is a place where God has allowed my heart to be captured, broken, and reshaped.  It is a place where I have met people who have changed my perspective on life.  It is a place where I have created friendships that will last a lifetime.  One of my teens posted on their Facebook this week, "If home is where the heart is, than I am out of place."  Honduras is where my heart is...a lot these days. Before we left for the trip, I shared one of my all time favorite quotes with our team.  "Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God."  I have shared that quote many times, probably several times on this blog.  It's in many ways become a daily prayer of my heart.  I think when we make that the prayer of our hearts, we ha...

I realized today that it has been almost a month since I last blogged.  While I wish I had awesome news or even some kind of glimmer of hope on our adoption, we find ourselves where we have been the past 15 months..still waiting.  In fact, several weeks ago we began the daunting task of re-doing our home study, our Dossier, and all the fun paperwork that goes along with that, because unfortunately, it has expired in our lengthy wait.  I am not going to lie, it has been a frustrating part of this journey.  In many ways, it feels as though we are walking in place, not getting anywhere.  On the flip side, we keep reminding ourselves that God has the ultimate plan, and we are believing in our hearts that this journey will have an end/new beginning in the months to come, when we finally get the call that we have been matched. This past month has somewhat been a whirlwind.  We started it with graduation celebrations and a big out of school bash with th...

Eleven years ago today, I married my very best friend.  I still remember meeting Nate for the first time when we  found ourselves on the campus of Eastern Nazarene College for preseason (soccer and volleyball) the fall of 1997.  We could have never dreamed that day all that we would experience in the years to come.  Our life story has been unexpected in every way, a story that only could be written by God himself. The past three days I have captured pictures in my memory of why I love my husband, Nate so much.  It started Thursday night as I walked in from worship team practice to Nate, sandwiched between the two little Ugandan girls we were hosting from the African Children's Choir, Faith and Dorcus, on the couch, reading bedtime stories.  That moment was priceless as I was reminded just how gifted Nate is with children. I captured another picture as Nate gathered us together in the living room, circling up to pray (a family tradition that was s...

This past Sunday, as we were celebrating as a church all that God had done over the past year, my heart felt overwhelmingly blessed.  I am not sure how to describe it, other than to say, I stood in my seat feeling incredibly grateful for the past year of my life.  We were singing the song, "You Have Been So Good," during worship, and again, my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude at all that God has done in our lives over this past year.  Several years ago, when I was in an extremely broken place, I remember writing in my journal how angry those words made me feel.  I didn't feel like God was good, because he hadn't given me the one thing I kept asking for, a family.  This past Sunday, as I found myself not only singing, but belting out those words, "I came here broken...you made me whole.  You have been so good...you have been so good...you have been so good to me."  I couldn't help but think about the total transformation God has done in my heart d...

It's hard to believe that a week has already passed since our New York City adventure.  I feel like I am still living off of the excitement from that weekend (even though we never did get a chance to meet Matt Lauer!).  I can't even really explain it, but that weekend was exactly what my heart needed.  In fact, I felt like I came back from a 12 day vacation, I was so rejuvenated, energized and encouraged.  One of my friends at work said, "You must have had a really great time!"  It was like I couldn't stop smiling. While we had an amazing time visiting NYC, the Today Show, going to every yard sale on the block, hanging out at the beach and more, that wasn't really what stuck out to me.  What stuck out, was the outpouring of love and encouragement over that entire weekend from my family and friends.  Before I left, one of my youth workers handed me a Mother's Day Card.  It was filled with encouraging notes from a handful of teens who ...

This weekend for me is all about skipping Mother's Day.  While that sounds somewhat harsh, and I may even come across as a little cold, please know that I love mothers, especially my mom and my sisters, and I believe they deserve incredible praise for all that they do on a day to day basis in taking care of their families.  However, Mother's Day is really hard for people who don't have families yet.  While I feel incredibly grateful for my family this weekend, who has chosen to "skip" mother's day with me, knowing the emotional toll infertility puts on a woman, I realize that there will be many people in church tomorrow who will probably feel a lot of what I feel every year as I sit in church on Mother's Day.  So this prayer tonight is dedicated to you...it's dedicated to the women who are in the midst of struggling with infertility dying to be a mom.  It's dedicated to women who are si...

Besides having the amazing experience of being on the Today Show, we spent a lot of time walking through the streets of New York City, we took a carriage ride through Central Park, we went out to dinner together, and we even drove over to Hobokan, NJ to visit Carlos Bakery (home of the Cake Boss).  By the time we finally made it to the beach house in Stone Harbor, we were wiped out.  We did a Sonic run for some Diet Cherry Limeades which fueled us for a few rounds of Bananagrams, and then headed to bed. We are Long girls, and that means only one thing on Saturday Mornings...wherever we go, we go yard saling.  It doesn't matter what town we are in, what state we are in, or why we are there, we always get a paper and make yard saling a priority.  We somewhat have an obsession with that!  We saw that there were 3-4 yard sales listed and decided to try to get out of the house by 8am (w...

If you haven't gotten the memo yet...I am officially skipping Mother's Day.  After receiving the news that our adoptoin wait was lengthened a couple of months ago, I approached my Pastor (my boss) and asked if I could have a "mental health" weekend.  I explained to him that I just wasn't sure I could handle being in church on Sunday, a day that is all about celebrating moms...still not having the dream of being a mom fulfilled yet (that blog will be coming soon).  He fully supported me on this, which was awesome. When my family heard this, my sisters and my mom came up with this awesome idea that we should have a girls' weekend.  We quickly began to devise plans which would include staying in New York City for a night, waking up early to be on the "Today Show," and spending the rest of the weekend at my Uncle's beach house in New Jersey.  My sister Kristen flew in from Boston, and together with my other sister Heather and my mom, our adventure ...

Today marks our two year anniversary of officially starting the adoption process!  Two years to this date, we signed our very first paper work and "officially" decided we would pursue an Ethiopian adoption.  I remember that day like it was yesterday, totally freaked out about the changes that would come over the next year or two as we pursued starting our family in a totally unconventional way.  Little did I know that the I would be sitting at my kitchen table blogging tonight...still waiting for a referral.  This journey has been exactly the title of our blog..."Life Unexpected."  We have had days when we have been blessed beyond measure, days where we have bawled our eyes out, days where we have dreamed of that day when we would get a call, days where we have felt like throwing in the towel, days where we have been encouraged, days when we have been discouraged, days where we have wondered if this process really has a light at the end of the tunnel, and days...