Life Unexpected

Our Hope Endures from carly beee productions on Vimeo . Christmas is one of my most favorite seasons of the year. This week I have been able to come home and spend a few days with my family before I leave for Honduras, and it has been great. I feel really thankful this Christmas that every step of this journey Nate and I have been on, God has walked with us, and never left us. He has given us hope every time, regardless of what circumstances we have found ourselves in. I am celebrating this Christmas a God who deeply loves us and cares for us in a way that we won't ever be able to wrap our heads and hearts around. It is pretty amazing! For some, this Christmas has been marked with some unwanted circumstances. Just this week, as we were traveling down to Bel Air, I found out two teenagers had died...one from the school I coach at, and one from the school that I work with their FCA at. There are now two families who find themselves in "unwanted" circumstances. I ...

This week has been extremely busy! I have found myself trying to deliver presents, pack for Christmas, make chocolates, and pack for my upcoming missions trip to Honduras. In the midst of all that, WE GOT OUR USCIS I-600A APPROVAL! It's kind of the missing link to sending out our Dossier packet. We have been working diligently to get papers notarized, put together forms with our pictures on them, get references, fingerprinting, and a whole lot more. The I-600A is the first form we have to fill out with the US Citizen and Immigration Services. While that may not make a whole lot of sense to anyone, it basically means...WE ARE ONE MORE STEP CLOSER TO GETTING OUR DOSSIER SENT! We are so excited for that small Christmas blessing this year.

I thought I probably should update everyone as to where we are in the process. Nate and I have been working hard on our Dossier. We are waiting for our I-600 form to come back to us so that we can actually send the Dossier in. If you aren't familiar with adoption stuff, the Dossier is the big packet that is our last step before we start a serious waiting process! This morning we had to leave at 5:45 am...yes I actually got up that early, thankfully stopped at Dunkin Donuts, and headed to Baltimore to be finger printed a second time in this process. It was the USCIS fingerprinting (which basically means...very important finger printing!) I am not sure why they can't share all the fingerprinting! We wound up paying 11 dollars to park for about 45 minutes. Anyway, it is done and we are one more step towards finishing the Dossier.

This past Sunday I had the opportunity to speak and sing at my Dad's church for their Service of Remembrance and Transition. It's a service that is geared toward people who have lost loved ones this past year or have dealt with big transitions in their life. It tends to be a crowd of people who are searching for healing and hope. I had the opportunity to speak at it last year, when we had just found out our last fertility treatment had failed. This year, I got to share a little bit about the healing that is taking place in my life and our journey toward adoption. My Dad started the service off by sharing a little bit of Steven Curtis Chapman's story. Most people know that Chapman lost one of his daughters, who happened to be adopted, due to a tragedy. He wrote this song that I want to share with you, called "Beauty Will Rise." I love the line in his song that says, "But buried beneath all our broken dreams, we have this hope...out of these ashes beaut...

As promised, throughout this advent season, I am going to post some of my favorite songs from the year that have really spoke to me. If you have ever dealt with infertility, you know that it is a constant battle to believe that God really has a plan for your life. When you want to have a baby...and can't seem to make that work...at times the reality is that you feel like something about you is wrong, that something is missing. While I believe with my whole heart that God walks every step of the way with us through our journey, there have been times when he has felt so distant. Somehow, in the midst of our pain, we begin to believe that we are worthless, that we don't have what it takes to be a mom (in the case of infertility) and the lies begin to outshine the truth that God has for us...that we were made for something, that we are treasured, that we are sacred, that we are His...we are beautiful. I have had a lot of days like that throughout the journey. I still have day...

The Thanksgiving season has come and gone fast, and now we are entering the Advent season. It's crazy, because this time last year, I was still pretty bitter about not being pregnant. It was really hard for me to deal with the disappointment. Now, a year later, I have to say that I love the way that God stretches us, challenges us, molds us, and shapes us into the person he wants us to be. He is a Healer of the heart, and I am so grateful for that. He doesn't just give us what we want, but he gives us exactly what we need. This advent season, I hope to post some songs that have spoken to me throughout my journey (there are an awful lot!). I don't know who is reading this blog, but I wanted to post this video with a song that has continued to speak to my heart every time I hear it. If you are feeling broken, disappointed, or even abandoned by God, know that He walks with you every step of the way, He is all you need, nothing is impossible for Him, and He is healing yo...

Last night we attended an event called "Orphan Friday." Our friend Jeromy was in charge of it, so when he invited us to come down to his church, we invited our friends Matt and Alicia who are also in the adoption process. We didn't really know what to expect, but were excited to check it out. The night was amazing! We watched a video simulcast (I think that is what it is called), with Francis Chan, Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman, Mark Schultz, and a whole bunch of other people who care deeply about the orphans around the world. Jeromy had told us that he hoped that we would be inspired, but something more than inspiration happened in my life last night. The past several years, as I have found myself struggling with the pain of infertility, I have always found myself saying, "Maybe God knows that my body can't physically carry a baby. Even though we are "unexplained" in our infertility...he probably knows something is physically wrong that I c...

I had wanted to post about this over the past couple of weeks, but coaching volleyball kind of had my life! Several months ago I read a book called "There's No Me Without You," by Melissa Fay Greene, as part of our adoption training. The book left my heart full of excitement for the adoption, and completely heart broken for the number of orphans in Ethiopia. After reading the book (at which every turn of the page I think i cried!) I just wanted to hop on the plane and go collect as many children in my arms as possible! The book is amazing, and I would recommend it to EVERYONE! My Dad loves to read, so I recommended the book to him. He finally purchased it and slowly got into it (it's like 500 pages!). Well, the other night he called me and said he was reading it on the plane ride to Boston. When he began to get off the plane, he said he started thinking about Nate and I getting off the plane with our new children and he just started crying! He became really e...

Tonight we went with our awesome friends, Dan and Kim, to an authentic Ethiopian restaurant in Frederick, called Tajitu. It was amazing! We weren't totally sure what to expect, but we definitely didn't leave disappointed. We sat on little stools that were low to the ground and were given hot washcloths to clean our hands with before we ate. We all ordered different things...Dan got lamb, Kim got chicken, Nate got beef, and I got 5 different kinds of vegetarian dishes! When it came out, it was all served on one huge plate, and you ate everything with your hands. We were also given this spongy, sourdough, crepe like bread, called Injera. You use it to pick all the food up with. By the end you have eaten a ton of bread. I really loved all of it, but Kim says I love all foods, which is probably true! The coolest part about it was meeting the owners. We shared with them that we were adopting two little ones from Ethiopia, and they said people come in with their children th...

Wow...I have to start the blog tonight by saying God is AMAZING! Tonight, one of the teens in my youth group handed me an envelope with $100 in it. She said that it was a belated birthday present to go towards the new baby to come. Is that not awesome? God is using an 18 year old girl, who has a desire to make a difference, to help meet the needs of two little ones in Ethiopia...Did you catch that? That's the other WOW! The past couple of weeks God has really been speaking to Nate and I and working on our hearts, and as a result, we have decided to ADOPT A SIBLING GROUP! That means that we have set our priority to say that we are looking to adopt a two little ones, one as young as possible, and one under 4 that would be siblings!!! This is a huge leap of faith, but as I have been reminded in my time with God over the past few weeks, in conversations with family and friends, when God calls you to do something, it doesn't always make sense to the rest of the world. It...

I am sure by now that many of you know...mainly because I posted it on Facebook...but WE WERE OFFICIALLY APPROVED WITH OUR HOME STUDY! Some of you might not know what that means. Basically, we were interviewed individually, then together as a couple, by our social worker. Then, she came out to the house and made sure we have a safe house, made sure our dog is nice (which Al was on his best behavior today), talked with one of our references (Thanks a million Bill, who probably praised us more than we deserve), and asked us about our neighborhood and surrounding area. She then approved us, and now we will begin working on our dossier (another name for a big packet that markets us to Ethiopia as perspective parents, with tons of information that will be tons of work that we need to do in the next 6 weeks). Once that is sent in, we wait for that to be approved, and eventually wait for a referral of a child. It looks like the wait time is about a year until a referral, and then approx...

Tonight I am sitting in a hotel room in Annapolis with my amazing husband writing this blog! We are here, because this is the week of our home study. Tomorrow we will meet with our social worker, who will interview us all about our lives, our family, our upbringing, and our marriage, and then on Wednesday, she'll come out to check out our house, interview our reference, meet our dog (Big Al), and finish with a few more questions. This is a huge step in our journey of adoption! Nate and I celebrated tonight by going to the Melting Pot, which ironically we went to 8 years ago on our 1 year wedding anniversary. We spent a lot of time tonight talking about the future, and remembering all that we have been able to do as a couple of the past 9 years. We both agreed that God has totally been preparing our hearts for this child. Just this past week I was talking with my mom (because I was having a breakdown on this whole lack of a family thing), and she said, "Ang...I truly bel...

A couple of weeks ago, my sister Kristen had another yard sale for us. She made a chunk of change for us again, which we are forever indebted for! But that wasn't the greatest part. I was coming home from a meeting when I saw two missed phone calls, one from my sister and one from my mom. I also had a text from my Mom saying to call my sister as soon as I could. Naturally, the worrier I am, I thought for sure something was wrong. When I got my sister on the phone, she was super excited to tell me this story. She had been collecting things to sell for the yard sale from all of her friends and had an entire basement filled with items. One of her friends, whom we have known for a long time came by the house and brought a bunch of baby clothes to donate. That still wasn't the greatest part. While Kris and her were talking, her husband wrote a check for a large amount of money and gave it to us toward our adoption! When Kristen called and told me that, I couldn't beli...

About a year ago this time, Nate and I were going through our first attempts of fertility treatment with our IUI's. I don't know why, but I have kind of been thinking about our journey a lot, and have realized that this process of waiting on God's timing and God's plan, is sometimes painful. The past couple of weeks, I have kind of been a mixed bag of emotions. It seems like the "baby life," is all around me and sometimes I feel like I am just standing still in the waiting...and that can be really hard. I recently found out my sister is pregnant, recently hung out with a friend and a newborn baby, and even just got home from a baby shower (for a friend that is adopting which is super exciting). While I love sharing in all of those things, I still find the pain of not yet having a family of my own so real. At the same time, I have to believe in my heart...I do believe in my heart...that God shapes us through our waiting and pain. One of the books I have ...

Ok...I first have to say that my sister Kristen is amazing! She is one of my best friends, and she has been a huge supporter and prayer warrior for our adoption. She is constantly calling and asking about things with our adoption and tells me every time I talk to her that she can't wait for our little girl to come. Here is a picture of her and I with our Dad and my niece Sadie. Today, she did a yard sale for our adoption and is giving us all the proceeds! She made $400 in one morning and had a blast doing it. I am so proud of her and totally honored that she would do this for us. Check out the awesome pics from the sale. Thanks again Kris...our little baby is going to have the best Auntie!

I think most people know, but Nate and I plan to adopt a little girl, as young as possible. That is our preference, but we would be so happy with a girl or a boy. When we first started talking, I asked Nate if he preferred a boy or a girl, and he said it really didn't matter. I have always wanted a little girl (I guess because I would love to dress her in little Roxy clothes and hope to teach her volleyball...very selfish reasons!). But months later, I came across this video on my friend's blog and it really sunk in how much of a difference one girl can make in the world. It's a pretty powerful video, so I hope you will take the time to watch it.

It's been way too long since I have posted, so I thought it would be good to update everyone of where we are at. After a short and busy summer, we are finally back in the normal routine...if coaching Varsity Volleyball, working, teaching (for Nate), is called normal! We worked really hard to get our paper work done, as well as a bunch of training. Nate and I got fingerprinted, had the fire marshal come in, filled out forms on insurance, house information, and more. Then we had to read 4 books (one of which I will be blogging about, because it was awesome!), write summaries on each of the books, and do 8 hours of online training. We just finished the last book report last week and sent ALL of our stuff in. Now we will wait to hear from our social worker to set up a home study. That being said...we have really just started this long process! But, we are so super excited. Within the past couple of weeks two of our friends that have been in the adoption process have received th...

It's been a while since I have posted...I think almost a month. That's probably because I have been away for about that long! I am actually on vacation right now, but wanted to post, because I didn't want to wait any longer to share some of what I have been thinking about. About 10 days ago, I returned from a missions trip to Honduras with my youth group. I have traveled a lot over the past years to the Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, Guatemala, and now Honduras. This trip had me looking with a totally different perspective, now that we have decided to adopt from a third world country. It was eye opening in a totally new way, and a confirmation that the journey we are on is exactly where God wants us, and totally in sync with the passions of our hearts. While I was in Honduras, two experiences stuck out to me the most. The first was a mile and half hike that we went on with the Pastor, through the rustic paths of Honduras, to get to two homes where we would find ours...

I have little niece named Emma. She is three and a half and one of my most favorite people in the world. Emma is a trip...she provides constant entertainment and is a blast to be around. I have wondered in the past months how she will relate to a new little cousin of a different race, from a different country, when we finally get our little baby. My Mom called me today and shared with me this conversation she had with Emma, as she was buying something at a yard sale for our little child to be. Emma: Grammy, who are you buying that toy for? Grammy: Well, Emma, did you know that Auntie Ang and Uncle Nate and going to be getting a baby from another country? Emma: No (pause) Grammy: Yup, they are. But it will be awhile before the baby comes...maybe a year or more. And, when the baby comes, her skin might be dark. Emma: Oh (pause)....(thinking)...(pause)....Grammy, do you think when the baby comes Auntie Ang would let me come to her house and help the baby and teach the baby thin...

My sister Kristen has been one of the biggest prayer warriors for Nate and I through this whole infertility and now adoption process. She is constantly praying for us and encouraging us and sent me these lyrics to a Ginny Owens song today: The pathway is broken And The signs are unclear And I don't know the reason why You brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet so if all of these trials bring me closer to you Then I will walk through the fire If You want me to It may not be the way I would have chosen When you lead me through a world that's not my home But You never said it would be easy You only said I'd never go alone ya oh oh no So When the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remembe...

This week marked Nate and my 9 year wedding anniversary! I would have posted on the actual anniversary (June 9), but we were with about 50 teenagers for an Out of School Bash. We just spent the past three days in Williamsburg, VA (which we actually ran into more of our teenagers from our youth group while at Busch Gardens!), and had an awesome time. So, here I am, three days after the fact, blogging about our 9 years of marriage! Actually, I just wanted a chance to share with the world how amazingly blessed I am to be married to my husband, Nate. I was reminded in so many ways this week just how awesome Nate is. We spent the first day of our anniversary excursion at Virginia Beach, laying out in the sun and playing volleyball together. I love that Nate loves to be active and gives me a run for my money peppering (a volleyball term) on the beach! After the beach, we stumbled onto this little street fair thing that had tons of free samples, including free chic-fil-a sandwiches, wh...

It's been awhile since I have posted, as one of my teens, Drake, so graciously reminded me this week! This past week I attended a high school graduation for some of the students that are a part of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes I work with at a local high school. I also spoke at the graduation banquet for our youth group this week, so my mind has been in the gear of what's important in life. One of the things that I think is most important is living life to the fullest. Not in a way that is meaningless, or careless, but living in a way that makes every moment count, living in a way where people matter, and living in way that you create memories that will last a life time. I love our life! Nate and I do some pretty crazy things together, we lead a pretty insanely busy life, but I have to say I love our life. I can not wait until this little baby arrives in our home and we get to introduce her to a world of "living life to the fullest." Just this past week,...

I've been thinking a lot about the time Nate and I have invested in students this week. I guess it's because I am preparing for the graduation banquet for next week and have spent countless hours reminiscing as I have looked through youth group pictures from the past 6 years. It's crazy to see how many students have come and gone through our youth group. I feel incredibly privileged to be a small part of their life. Often I wonder as youth pastor if I am making a difference, especially when kids "fall off the face of the earth." I find myself questioning whether what I do is really worth it, and if all the time and energy I pour into kids really makes a difference, especially when you can't always see the results. This week I had the privilege of hanging out with several students who have graduated from our youth group and are now in college. It was awesome to listen to the way their lives have changed. I was so impressed with who they have become and w...

Well, for starters...I just finished my bowl of pistachio pudding and am happily sipping some decaf coffee (I love my wife!!). So Andrea and I were filling out some paperwork the other day and part of it was to fill out your family information and history. It's really hard to have to write down the dates and causes of when your dad, your older brother and your twin brother died. I miss my dad and my brother so much. And I've always wondered what my twin brother would have been like??? I just want to shout out to my mom and sister...love you SO much!!!

So, back in October of 2009, I was kind of at a low of low in dealing with the issues of infertility. I felt like I was giving so much to God through youth ministry, and it wasn't fair that I had to deal with all of this. I went with some of my best friends, my youth workers, to the National Youth Worker Convention in Ohio. While I was there I noticed a seminar called, Death by Ministry...I was feeling pretty burned out in the ministry area, so I decided to go. Little did I know just what would come out of that seminar. I stuck around for awhile and waited to share my story with the speaker. I was hoping she could share some insight. She told me she had friend in California who was dealing with the very same things in trying to start a family, and said that she would probably love to talk with me. As she was trying to find her email address to give to me, that friend actually texted her at the same time! It was a total God thing. Since that weekend, I have been inspired and...

Last night we were on our usual Rocky's run. For those of you who don't know, after youth group we head to our favorite local pizza place and then bring a church van load of kids home. Nate and I have grown to love that old van ride...with the exception that the ceiling is falling apart and that we have to listen to songs like "Yellow Submarine" and anything by Plus One! Seriously, we have grown to love those van rides because of the relationships we have built with the kids in our youth group. We have an absolutely crazy group, students that come from all walks of life, some that are searching, some that aren't afraid to be bold in their thoughts, and some of the most caring people I have ever met. Last night those same students started asking about our adoption process. They were so excited about it, which made me even more excited. They were all offering to baby-sit and "help raise" our little one to come...which is little scary to think about! ...

Well, this is my first post!! I have been meaning to write something for a couple of days now and since Andrea, twice has referred our blog to her blog I figured I'd better get something out so that it really is our blog. I don't really have anything too significant to say except this...(I really like to use ellipses when I write) and I LOVE my wife! In fact we have this ritual almost every night of decaf coffee and pudding. Tonight we are having pistachio pudding...mmmmmm!!!

So we have our first $150.00 donation towards our adoption process! My Dad decided to give us money that he got for doing a funeral (He's a Pastor just like me). This whole "gift" sparked a conversation we had as a family on fund raising, seeing that our little child will cost us somewhere in the ballpark figure of $30,000. Along with more funerals, my older sister suggested that we each sell a kidney! I just wonder what would happened if our whole family sold kidneys and then we needed one!!! It was kind of one of those moments where you had to be there, but we were laughing pretty hard that day as a family. It is pretty cool how this adoption process has brought our family focused on one goal...bringing home this little infant that we have never met. We have gotten so excited. My older sister Heather wants to sell Ethiopian bracelets and chocolate covered Oreos. My younger sister Kristen called from Boston the other day to tell me she is going to have several ya...

I'm not going to lie, the past few Mother's Days have been really hard. It's not fun to be reminded that you aren't yet a Mom, when that's the one thing you want so bad. While this Mother's Day was still hard, there seemed to be a different sense of hope. I could actually imagine what it will be like to be a Mom, now that I know that there is a little child in Ethiopia that is waiting for a family, and that is amazing! One of the teens in my youth group sent me this text on Mother's Day: "Happy Mother's Day even though you don't have a little one yet. Your the mother of our youth group and I hope today is the best day for you!" She reminded me that we (as women) are all mothers to someone. So, whether you are waiting for a baby like me, or don't have children at all, know that your life is celebrated this Mother's Day too and you are making a difference in someone's life!

It's official...we have signed our first paper work and paid our first deposit toward our Ethiopian adoption! We have chosen Bethany Christian Services as our agency. We met with our social worker this weekend and were overwhelmed with everything we have to do. It's nerve wracking and exciting at the same time. It's going to cost about $30,000 and will be about a year-a year and a half process if all goes well. We have some serious work to do this summer in preparing our home study!

A couple of years ago, during some of the darkest times of the whole infertility journey, I remember calling my Dad (and bawling my eyes out) saying, "I keep giving this over to God and it is still so hard!" He asked me, "Would you be OK if God gave you a baby, but maybe through adoption." My immediate response was, "NO!" I didn't even entertain that thought, because I was so much about what I thought I needed, what I thought I wanted, and my plans. It's hard to describe what has happened in the past 2 years, but God has totally been working on my heart. I had the opportunity to travel to Guatemala and the Dominican Republic during the past few years. There were several experiences that happened on those trips, where I felt God tugging on my heart to consider adoption. It was through holding a little baby in my arms in the Dominican, and having little kids in Guatemala sit on my lap, that God began to soften my heart. When our third fertility...

Well the time has finally arrived for Nate and I to start a blog. It's definitely going to be a journey, because it took us at least 3 days to name the blog and I am still not satisfied with the title! "Life Unexpected"...It really does describe the past five years of our life. So, in case you missed out on those 5 years, we'll fill you in. We started "planning" for a family after 3 years of marriage. Little did we know, our plans would be totally different then the plans to come. We tried several means of fertility treatments. Lots of shots and 3 fertility treatments later, we still wound up not pregnant and in the "unexplained category." Those 5 years have been some of the most trying times in my life. I cried a lot...I yelled at God a lot...I watched as EVERYONE (and I do mean everyone..best friend, sister, people at church, teen in my youth group...everyone) got pregnant. I was so confused, so broken, and completely devastated. At the ...